12 Reasons Why Everyone Secretly Hated Your Wedding

The height of wedding season is finally over — and if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably gone to a lot of weddings this summer. And if you’re anything like me, you probably talked a lot of shit about each wedding you attended. Mean, terrible, petty drunken shit.
Unless you were the bride. If you were the bride, then I’m sorry your wedding sucked and I spent three hours at the bar talking major shit with your drunk, fat aunt (by the way, we really hit it off, and we both hated your stupid sushi taco fusion appetizers). It wasn’t your choice of venue or the band. It was you. Here’s why everyone at your wedding secretly hated it.

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    • Breezy

      I feel like the bridal winner, because I did none of this shit. Five minute ceremony, chicken wings, and booze provided! And I let the bridesmaids pick out their own dresses, which we bought for them as a present. Sooo… Go team me.

    • Sugar

      I didn’t have any of these things, either. All I had was 5 people on a pier in the middle of winter. Take that!

      But then we went to a badass EMPTY restaurant and people showed up, dropped off gifts, ate amazing food, got free alcohol and oh yeah, most of them showed up in work clothes, so, that was funny. It was like an all night party.

    • Maggie

      I feel like this should be titled “12 Reasons Not to Invite Brandy Alexander to Your Wedding.” If you’re just going to be a snarky bitch about everything, don’t go to the damn wedding.

    • Robin

      i’m really tired of the “I hate everything” attitude. this is a poor attempt at humor which makes the author (and site) sound entitled, judgmental, shallow, and jaded.
      not to mention that weddings are stressful enough as it is without articles like this encouraging more insecurity and stress for the bride or groom.