• Wed, Aug 29 2012

Have You Ever Faked A Pregnancy To Either Keep A Guy Or Simply For Attention?

After being told several times over dinner by my friend last night that I am indeed a hopeless romantic (something I argued), I got home and thought I’d put on An Officer and a Gentleman. Apparently, I needed a good cry. I also love Debra Winger.

So there I am watching the movie, eating burnt popcorn because I’ve yet to figure out how to make it in a pot with oil, and I’m cursing at Zack (Richard Gere) for stringing Paula along (Winger), and all that usual stuff I do when I watch a movie alone.

Since I’m not about to spoil it for anyone who hasn’t seen it (although you really should have by now), basically the character Lynette (Paula’s friend) fakes a pregnancy in the hopes of making herself a Naval officer’s wife so she get the hell out of her shitty little town. It’s not about love, it’s about escape.

When Sid (the supposed impregnator) finds this out, he does the “right” thing and proposes to her. Because that’s what people did back then when they knocked them up: made them their wife. But the clincher is that Sid, in wanting to immediately become a responsible husband and father, and having been under a lot of stress during his training, has actually DOR (drop on request) earlier that day before he heads to Lynette’s to propose. Of course she’s ecstatic with the proposal, says yes, but then when he tells her about his DOR, she freaks and tells him there is no baby — there never was a baby. More drama ensues and there are a lot of tears, but the takeaway, or at least the major takeaway from me when I first saw it (it came out in 1982), but I didn’t see it until years later, because babies don’t understand such things, was that women actually do this. Women actually fake pregnancies.

Of course, at the time, I didn’t understand why they would do such a thing. It’s so wrong, and this is coming from someone who isn’t exactly known for having upstanding morals. But as I got older I even had friends who admitted to having lied about being pregnant in the hopes of keeping a boyfriend around, even a few acquaintances who have done it solely for attention. Attention? So you have the legitimate reason to buy baby clothes for your dream child?

It just seems like the most dishonest thing a woman can possibly do, in my humble opinion.

 

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  • Jo

    See.. what’s crazy to me is why a woman would ever want to convince someone to stay who wasn’t head over heels in love with her anyway. I think it would ruin my self esteem, knowing that the person who is supposed to love me is only sticking around out of duty?

    Maybe I just really want to be doted on.

  • Jessica

    The key to not burning the popcorn is to keep the pot in motion.

    -Heat the oil (1/4 cup or so)
    *If you want to make Kettle corn add a 1/4 cup of either white or brown sugar at this point*
    -Once the oil starts to sizzle a bit, add the popcorn (1/2 cup)
    -Put the lid on the pot. Hold it down with your potholder hands and start shaking it just above the burner, coating the kernels.
    -Give it about 30 seconds to simmer and start shaking it up again. A nice back and forth motion will do.
    -As the kernels start to pop you can set it down for another 30 seconds or so (to rest your arms, of course.)
    -Start shaking again to make sure those bottom kernels get popped and then turn the heat off.
    -Once the popping subsides, you can remove the lid. Let it sit until it cools.

    …and then you’re all set to enjoy your morally bankrupt films!

    • Amanda Chatel

      I’m actually about to print this out and pin it to my kitchen wall. THANK YOU!

    • Goldie

      Yeah! This! I don’t know why, but stove-top popcorn tastes way better and is super cheap!

      One thing I’d add that my boyfriend does: if there’s no stray drops of water in the pot the oil might not always sizzle, so he puts only one kernel in the oil while it’s heating up. Once that one pops you can add all the rest of the kernels. Also crack the lid every once in awhile (away from you) to let the steam out.

    • denny

      I would also recommend dry popping, since in my experience, if anything burns, it’s the oil. You can add melted butter later (but you might find you don’t need to).

      That said — I will never correct a stranger if, on a particularly bloated day, one assumes that I’m pregnant. Especially on a crowded subway.

  • Sam

    No but that certain crazy ex-best friend I have faked two pregnancies, a miscarriage, and a fucking abortion.

  • Jamie Peck

    I know of someone who faked an abortion! That is some next level shit.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Ew! How the fuck did she explain herself afterward when you obviously found out she was lying?

  • Kate

    When I came home from college on vacation, my grandmother asked me about the guy I had been seeing. I told her that, unfortunately, very soon after we started dating, his ex found out she was pregnant (she later admitted to a friend of mine that she deliberately got pregnant because she wanted to keep him around), so we were just going to be friends. My grandmother then proceeded to tell me about how when she was in college, her best friend got dumped, so she told the guy that she was pregnant, so he proposed to her. She “lucked out” and actually got pregnant almost immediately. So apparently this kind of crazy was around before An Officer and a Gentleman, and my grandmother thought it might…comfort me? It’s always been a mystery to me why she would tell me that story, especially at that time.
    After years of friendship, I married to the guy whose ex got pregnant while I was in college. Now that we’re expecting, his ex is telling everyone that she has baby fever. She’s basically hatching the same plot with her poor, new boyfriend. Some ladies, I tell ya.

    • Maggie

      Ugh, that is so sad. It sucks that you have to deal with that kind of crazy too. I was dating this guy once, and his ex found out he was seeing someone else, so she lied and told him she was pregnant and if he didn’t get back together with her, she’d have an abortion. He actually considered it, so I made my exit. Once they were back together it became pretty clear that she wasn’t pregnant, so they broke up again. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

  • Anita

    Funny you write about this. I firmly believe that everyone gets irrationally angry once in a while, but there are some folks out there who are what I call: “fake-a-pregnancy psycho.” My ex’s current gf might be one of those.

  • kat

    i told an ephemeral lover that i was pregnant six months after we stopped seeing each other. i knew it was wrong and that is why i did it. it was a bit self destructive. but for some reason, i really enjoy self-destructive behavior once and awhile, especially with cowardly men.

    two months afterwards, i emailed him and told him i loved him. same self-destructive behavior. its a bit humorous…. i think…. perhaps not too many people may think so.

    girl power.