I watched the Republican National Convention off and on last night. I just couldn’t get into it for political reasons that I’m not going to cover, because why start a debate in the comment section because Paul Ryan is a liar, Mitt Romney is a jerkface and the GOP, as a whole, is just the devil at work? I also don’t care for any politician who thinks he’s badass for listening to Zeppelin. Tell me you’ve been rocking out to Grimes or some shit, then I’ll give you an Internet high-five.
But what I did notice during my on and off watching, as did so many others who tweeted their own observations, was the fact that Ms. Condoleezza Rice, our former Secretary of State, had lipstick smudges on her teeth. It was so distracting! Did you see it? My mother even called to ask me, “Does she not know the basic trick to avoid such things?” To which I answered that I didn’t know, because I’d never met Condi and if I did I’d have other things to discuss with her besides lipstick teeth.
However, my mother had a good point: it is really easy to prevent your teeth from being covered in lipstick. And it’s also something that if you’re going to be rocking red lipstick, especially on national television, you should probably know how to do. So Ms. Rice and everyone else out there, here’s how to keep your pearly whites free of lipstick with these three easy steps that my mom taught me when I was a wee one.
1. Apply the lipstick.
2. With your lips looking like they’re slightly preparing for a kiss, put your index *finger between your lips. (Think straw here, people, not blowjobs.)
3. Slowly pull your finger from your mouth. You’ll find that it has caught that extra lipstick that would have eventually ended up on your teeth. See:
*Some opt for a pen, but a pen doesn’t provide the same friction, so it probably won’t be as effective.
I’ve also heard that some people put Vaseline on their teeth before applying lipstick, and apparently that works, too. But personally, Vaseline on my teeth isn’t my jam, so I’ll stick with my finger.
Photo: AP via Gawker