My Very Private Fashion Week Diary: Day One


Around 7:00 I headed off to the launch party for DuJour, a magazine for wealthy people. I would say it was a magazine for everyone, but the cover photo on their website is Christy Turlington doing dressage, so I think they know what they are. Nosce te ipsum, Jason Binn, you buy a model on a pony if you want to. I mean, it’s also a magazine for people who like articles, and Christy Turlington, and ponies, so, well maybe it is as magazine for everyone. I liked it! That’s what I’m saying! I like it! I love ponies and America! And I would really like to write for them, so that is all I’ll say about that.

The party was at Capitale, which is a is a really great event space that used to be a bank. They’ve kept all the original banking slogans around. Also, the vault. If I were an investment banker, and I was marrying an investment banker, and I wanted someplace to stage a major wedding, and our theme was “money” and all the bridesmaid dresses were green or gold, I’d go there. None of these things are likely to happen, and if they did, I’m pretty sure Mr. Freeze would crash that wedding anyway, so, you know. So that would be a bad idea. That’s where I’m going with that.

I finally pulled a dress out of my closet that I’ve had for 5 years and that I’ve always been too afraid to wear, because it’s pretty tight and female insecurities. I think it looked pretty good, though. I genuinely do not know why I’ve never worn this dress. I will say it looked better with a tan. Do you have stuff in your closet like that? Everyone does, right? It’s possible that you’re just not wearing it because you are not tan. Try that. If that doesn’t work, dye your skin green and wear a wig. Worked in The Hunger Games. Be bold and make choices.

As you can see from the demon eyes here, the tan didn’t destroy my telekinetic, Powder-like powers, and I feel very good about that.

And my dress was nowhere near as tight at Kim Kardashian‘s who was at that party, so I feel like I hit a fine balance. A balance of “not being Kim Kardashian” I guess.

Staring at those straps, I think Kim might have sensed that Mr. Freeze would be appearing as well. Wouldn’t it be great if Kim Kardashian were Batman? Just in some sort of Scarlet Pimpernel way? It would be. Because it would mean Batman was real.

Dr. Ruth was there, too! I did not ask her invasive questions about sex. I regret this, but not that much. I mean, she was probably just there to drink champagne and watch Kim Kardashian from a distance, like everyone. There were other people, but I had no time. I had no time for them, because I had to go uptown to a party that Georgia May Jagger was hosting at The Sunglass Hut.

I wanted to go this party because I have a very nice pair of sunglasses from there that is kind of loose and I was hoping they could tighten them. That is my idea of a good thing that could happen at a party.

I don’t want to spoil things for you, but that didn’t happen.

But Georgia May Jagger was there. So were some very nice men who I would happily add to my monster harem. They were there to make sunglass cases for everyone. One did a very good job on a sunglass case, and I will feed him to the monster last. Although I feel like I have been to three parties in the last month where people have been encouraged to have sunglass cases personalized for them, and really, how many do you need? I always just ask to have my initials put on them. I have 3 sunglass cases with my initials in crystals on them now, and I don’t use them. I just carry my sunglasses around in my purse, which is probably why they’ve gone a bit loose. Next time I’m going to ask for a vivid detailing of Cthulhu made out of Swarvoski crystals. Then maybe I’ll use it.

Georgia May Jagger, incidentally, is beautiful beyond all words. She looks exactly like Veronica Lake, and photographs really don’t do her justice. I got a picture of her in which she looks fabulous, and I look crazy and wild eyed (I think it was when I still had hope that my sunglasses might get refitted).

Everyone there was really young, and impossibly cool, and after about 15 minutes I realized that my day was done now, and it was time for me to go home and watch re-runs of Gossip Girl. So I did that. I got a red velvet cupcake on the way. It was likely not as good at the chocolate french toast at Norma’s, but it was, in spite of that, very good.

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    • Lisa

      Yes those are very cool people! And you are very cool, and that cupcake looks HOT.

      • Jennifer Wright

        Junior’s red velvet cupcakes. Not only are they one of the only places open for cupcakes at 10:00 at night, they are also delicious.

    • Kristina

      Most. Awesome. Dress. Ever. Seriously, you should wear it every day very eccentrically and act like people are crazy when they ask whether you wear it every day. Dress-based gaslighting!

    • tk

      that toast looks so amazing but deadly! also whats a czhutlan?

    • Maggie

      I think I just drooled all over myself looking at that french toast. Never pass up something that looks that amazing, even if strangers are fucking idiots and say mean things to you (which, by the way, are totally baseless. You have nothing to worry about, gorgeous!)

    • MR

      So you made it to Fulton Street and Flatbush extension, huh? Juniors at the mouth of Dekalb Ave. :)

      • MR

        Man, that was a big typo. Of course, I meant Junior’s. Hmm, but will Brooklyn forgive me? PS. I like your dress. Also I thought Georgia May was Ashley for a second. Yeah, I didn’t sleep much last night – the rooms were all booked, so we crashed with other people the two nights we stayed over in Charlotte. We’re here in Raleigh til Monday. But, not that Ashley can’t hold her own against Georgia May. Hope you guys have a great weekend.