• Fri, Sep 7 2012

Are Your Nipples Evenly Spaced? You Could Be In China’s College Beauty Contest!

While Tyra Banks is using her Harvard degree to test wannabe model’s “booty tooching” capabilities on this season’s America’s Next Top Model: College Edition, a Chinese college beauty contest is measuring nipple distance to choose potential contestants among Hubei Province college students. According to the guidelines of the contest on the Campus Model website, if the distance between your nipples is more than 20 centimeters then you do not fit the criteria of “extremely good-looking” by “traditional Chinese and more modern Western aesthetic values”.

Though bare nipples will most likely not be seen in the pageant, it is important to know for sure who is a real even-titted beauty and which girls might be shamming us, hiding behind a pretty face or toned body, thinking no one will notice their off-balance, lazy-eyed aureoles.

Luckily there is a chart to tell us who is actually extremely good looking:

The caption of the chart, according to Google translator, reads:

Selected Colleges Xiaohua by feeling the chest two milk spacing greater than 20 cm Yin Zhengyi
I take that to mean that if you can’t draw a perfect triangle between your two dimensional nipples (chest two milk?) and collarbone than you shouldn’t be entering a college beauty contest where they care about nipple positioning.
If you can then…you win!
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  • Fabel

    Damn, guess I’ll have to whip out the tape measure (& my tits) later to find out if I’m “extremely” good-looking!

  • Lo

    Oh god! It’s 24cm! I’m not extremely beautiful! It’s an equal measurement from collarbone to nipple, but what the hell is that worth now? All my training, all those years of deportment, wasted! What will I tell my coaches? They’ve always told me to think, “Happy nipples, happy nipples, happy nipples,” but a few errant centimetres have crumbled those positive thoughts to ashes in my bra.

  • Ness

    Damn is it that simple? Maybe I could have my nipples surgically positioned 20cm apart then I’ll definitely know I’m beautiful ;-)

  • Rigor_Mortis

    I’m LMAO at this!

    Well, mine is about 17cm… which is expected, since I’m skinny and basically titless. Any woman with bigger breasts will have a wider distance between them, because, well, gravity.

    Beauty contests are always fucking stupid, but this one takes the cake!