• Mon, Sep 10 2012

Do You Go Strip Clubs With Your Boyfriend?

Listen, before we delve into this, let me preface it by saying that this is a judgment-free zone. We’re not here to tell you that you’re uptight if you don’t go to strip clubs with your boyfriend, or that you’re selling yourself short if you do, or anything else that you ever might have heard on this topic to lead you to believe that there is one right answer and one wrong answer to the question posed in the headline.

All we’re here to do is ask. And explore (someone’s been going to therapy! It’s me).

So. The reason we find ourselves asking this question this morning is that Katy Perry and John Mayer, who are officially back together, were spotted at a strip club in Vegas over the weekend. That’s all. I can tell you that as for me, I’ve gone to strip clubs with boyfriends past because I love strip clubs. I think they’re fun. My only rule is that if we’re going to get lap dances, I pick the girl. That’s just the way I am, it’s how I feel comfortable.

I know other women who can’t imagine in a million years waltzing in to a place like that with their beloved, and still more who like to go as often as possible, dollar bills in hand, and then it’s everyone in the couple for themselves. So…What about you? Where do you stand?

Photo: Sodahead

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  • Shannon

    I think it would be fine to go to a strip club with your boyfriend/husband. At least then you know whats going on.

  • Lastango

    Sorry, but I’m squarely in the Judgement Zone on this.

    Strip clubs are sleazy, the clientele is dangerous, and visiting one is a sign of personal dissolution.

    Sure, there are some exceptions. Young people just starting out in life are excused if they go to a club a few times. And if your firm’s biggest customer drags you to one for lunch you pretty much have to go (but only if both of you are the same gender, and only if there are more than two of you — and pay cash, don’t put it on your card.) But other than that, no way.

    And any boyfriend older than 20 who takes a lady to a strip club is a lowlife loser. Both of them need a good swift kick in the butt — him for being a douchebag, and her for allowing herself to be pulled down to that level.

    • Lauren

      I am going to make my own judgement here, and say you probably need a good dose of Vitamin D!

  • Kj

    Honestly, it’s partly because I don’t want to participate in what I see as an inherently creepy/exploitative environment (regardless of whether or not it’s “empowering,” it’s still the pinnacle of the “girls as decorations” idea)

    …but it’s also because why, WHY would I pay someone who’s clearly much hotter than me to come and wave her boobs in my face?! I am insecure around scantily clad hot girls, and that is something that will never change and that I don’t feel the need to change. I feel like it would only serve to emphasize my imperfections.

    So, I wouldn’t disown my guy (or judge anyone else) for going to one (unless it was like, every night) but I’m pretty sure it’s not for me.

  • Lizzie

    I don’t see what straight (non-bisexual) women would find enjoyable about this– it seems like an entertainment venue designed with only men/gay women in mind. On that basic level, it’s a bit selfish for a guy to ask his girlfriend to go to a strip club with him, knowing that his girlfriend is unlikely to appreciate the main attraction.
    More importantly, it implies that the girlfriend isn’t good enough. Looking at pretty people definitely isn’t the same thing as cheating, but it’s something that we traditionally think should be kept to a minimum. Especially when the point is to stare at women who are set up to look hotter (or at least nakeder) than your girlfriend. To ask a girlfriend (in different words) “hey, do you want to join me as I look at hot girls?” seems brash, selfish, and insensitive.
    Of course it depends on the nature of the relationship and the sexual orientation of the girlfriend. But generally speaking, yeah, I would judge a guy who asks me to go to a strip club with him.

    • Karen

      Actually there are studies that prove that straight women get turned on watching images of any couple having sex, by any couple i mean man/woman, man/man, Woman/woman. So saying that there is no way a girl can enjoy watching strippers is not accurate.

  • Danielle

    I went with my boyfriend a couple of months ago and I absolutely loved it! I’ve always wanted to go to a strip club because I was curious and it turned out to be a lot of fun. Now, I might be a little biased because I’ve always kind of liked looking at women and have even “experimented” a few times. It’s hard to imagine going to a strip club as a female who considered herself completely and totally 100% straight. For me though, it was a great experience! My boyfriend got a lap dance, I got a lap dance, we drank and then we went home and had amazing sex. A very good night indeed.

  • Kjon

    I’ve done it a few times with my fiancé and we had a lot of fun. Granted we don’t do the private/lap dance thing bc that would be too much. I don’t know if this counts as bragging haha but strippers kind of love me. Maybe bc I don’t have that scrunched up uncomfortable look on my face. I don’t know. It’s not everyone’s jive. I know there’s a lot of jib-jab about exploitation but I don’t make it my business to know why they do what they do. That’s not directed at anyone btw, I’m just saying that when I go I have fun with the girls and I think they appreciate that. They can tell when girls go there and act stuck up. :/

  • Jenniwren

    Nope. No way. Never ever ever. Not judging any individual who visits and especially not those who work there (because hate the game, not the player) but I find the institution of strip clubs culturally and politically abhorrent. I’ve made it clear to my bf that this is one of my personal boundaries; I will never set foot in a strip club, and I would be very upset if her were ever to visit one as well. That’s partially political, but I’ll also admit to it being personal too. Seeking out hot girls to oggle while in a relationship seems disrespectful at best and for me is too close to cheating at worst. Everyone has their stuff and this is mine.

  • Breezy

    Wow, lots of negativity up in here. First of all, I love strip clubs. The women are beautiful and talented, and I am completely impressed by some of the things they can do up there! Watch pole dancing competitions if you don’t believe me, that shit requires practice, skill, and amazing athleticism. I also admire women who are confident enough to get that naked in public. I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions and women who strip for lack of other options, but the women I have known who strip do so because they are comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality.

    I have been going to strip clubs with respectful men and women for years. We are kind, fun, and generous patrons. That’s one of two strip club rules I firmly believe in: If you’re gonna watch, tip. Tip big. These ladies are working hard.

    I guess it would be different if I were insecure in our relationship, but I have no problem with my husband going to strip clubs with or without me. There is no shortage of hot women in the world, and you don’t have to try very hard to find some bare tits to look at. If I’m with him and he’s with me, who cares what he is looking at or who is gyrating nearby?

    Furthermore, if you are worried about your man’s wandering eye (or wandering penis), a strip club is probably the safest place for him to be. He has a fairly good chance of taking home a girl from a bar (or the supermarket, work, whatever), and almost no chance of scoring with a stripper. Like none.

    • Amanda Chatel

      I agree on all counts with you, Breezy.

    • porkchop

      ” no chance of scoring with a stripper. Like none.”

      Exactly.

      I’m not in love with strip clubs because I feel like you get jaded working in a place like that, and I don’t like that. But they have crazy skills. I went a few times because I was curious, and I was glad I did.

    • Lastango

      “Negativity” – ?

      If this isn’t Trash Culture, the term has no meaning.

    • Jenny

      Big fat ditto – and to the commenter below who said that strip clubs are not for straight women, repressed much? The female form is beautiful. I’ll continue to parrot what others have said and say that it is perfectly natural for women to appreciate the aesthetic beauty of other women.

  • Karen

    I’ve gone to strip clubs with my bf twice and it has been so much fun. I went once to a pole dance class and it was great, it’s a very challenging excercise.

    The first time we went was because some friends were visiting the town and wanted to go. I was curious so I said yes.

    I was so amused by the faces of the guys staring at the strippers, the non verbal language of some of them and the over all environment.

    There was every body type, every hair color, every skin color and it reassured me. I felt confident about myself. I felt great because if some “average” girl like me could strip and guys would drool around her, why wouldn’t I feel confident in my own skin with my “flaws”?

    After spending the night laughing, drinking, dancing and kissing, we went home and had great sex. It gave a shot of confidence about myself and my relationship.

  • Molly

    If there were equal amounts of both genders stripping, then yes. Otherwise I think it’s a little disrespctful for men to hope for their girlfriends/wives to accompany them to an attraction specifically designed for men, and I guess, gay women. So yes, if there were male AND female strippers, I think it could be really fun.