Would You Like To Know How Anne Hathaway Is Doing? I Just Saw Her.

“Wait!” I said. “Can you add a cookie?”

“Yeah, of course,” he said. “Just one?”

I thought about it. They looked so soft and delicious. And I was going to have some friends over later…

“Give me three,” I said. But then, what if there wasn’t enough for everyone? “No, make it six.” And what if people wanted a second cookie? “Okay, eight, actually. Give me eight cookies.”

He started fishing them out of the jar, eyebrows only slightly raised, when suddenly, the air changed, and I realized that Anne Hathaway was standing directly behind me.

This was the line: me, Anne Hathaway, her fiance. In this tiny store. She was like six inches away from me.

The guy got cookie after cookie out of the jar. It took a while, because the neck of the jar was narrow. I could feel Anne Hathaway standing there, being stunningly beautiful and somehow heartbreakingly delicate behind me.

The guy went to ring up my cookies, but then he realized that the order had already been complete, so he had to redo it or something. And then the act of attempting to redo it caused the computer to stall, and he got frustrated and awkward, perhaps aware of Anne Hathaway, and started typing things really vigorously and angrily. “This is so weird,” he said. “It’s totally shutting down.”

And then Anne Hathaway and her fiancé and I stood there for a long, long time, as the guy wrestled with the computer that had been broken by my need for many cookies. The fiancé put some of their groceries on the counter. I guess he was tired of holding them. They weren’t getting much. Most of it seemed to be kale. There was definitely no bacon or cheese. There was definitely, definitely no cookies.

It was deadly silent, except for the protesting noises from the computer.

After an eternity had passed, I had started trying to joke around with the guy behind the counter to prove that I was either so cool that I could joke around in the presence of a movie star or that I hadn’t even noticed Anne Hathaway this whole time and she had put her sunglasses up mistakenly. Take that, Anne Hathaway, I thought. As far as you know, I didn’t even notice you!

“Technology never wants to get along with people,” I said. “It’s like it’s just plotting against us. Until eventually robots just take over the world. Led by this computer, probably.”

I am funny.

And then the computer was fixed and I managed to pay without dropping my credit card or eating everything in sight and I quickly left the store, wondering why I’d worn such a lame outfit to the grocery store that day. SUCH a lame outfit.

And I felt sort of bitter, because really, I wasn’t trying to make Anne Hathaway uncomfortable in any way. I was just admiring her really short hair.

But after I ate a cookie I felt a lot better about the whole incident. So I ate another, too.

Kate’s blog, Eat the Damn Cake, is 8 cookies worth of fun and won’t crash your computer.

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    • porkchop

      Poor Anne–It’s sad that she missed out on bantering with you and hearing how cute her hair is. That might have helped her get over the prospect of you gorging yourself on delicious cookies while she eats only leaves.

    • gwen

      HA. This was so nicely told. Poor Anne — how much must it suck to have to hide behind sunglasses and eat kale, when she could have hair compliments and cookies instead.

    • http://samanthaescobar.com Samantha Escobar

      This made me giggle :D

    • miinxi


    • Sean

      What kind of cookies were they?

      I’m going to guess oatmeal raisin…because oatmeal raisin would have made it totally ok to have an embarrassing moment in front of a celebrity.

    • rf

      Cute story, but it’s a shame that you used a photo of Anne in a wig from her role in One Day instead of a photo of her actual short haircut.

    • Ashley

      I am exactly the same way in the presence of a celebrity. By the way, I feel compelled to tell you that I have only visited NYC once, and yet while I was there I did see a celebrity in public: Kelsey Grammer was eating at the same restaurant as me. But if it’s any consolation, I didn’t know who he was at the time and had to have him pointed out to me by a friend I was with.