Jennifer: Well, outrage is different than deciding someone is “evil.” I do find most reality TV stars seem to have personality traits that mean they would not be a good match for me, friendship-wise. Someone was telling me the other night about partying on a yacht until 4:00 in the morning and I found myself thinking “you know, I really like eating cheesy broccoli and watching Gossip Girl re-runs. That actually sounds preferable than booty dancing on a moving vehicle with strangers.” I think that is why reality stars and I would not be friendship matches.
Ashley: You just said booty dancing.
Jennifer: The kids say that.
Ashley: Also, do you just look at the world in terms of who you could be friends with and who you couldn’t?
Jennifer: Of course. Don’t you?
Ashley: I do not!
Jennifer: Frankly, I could probably be friends with anyone who was just really, really nice to me. Like, if Hitler came up to me and was all “Jennifer, I am such a big fan! I think you are so pretty and smart and nice. I bought you a goldfish. I like dogs.” I would probably say, “You know, Hitler, you and I disagree on some points, but I think I see the real you.”
Ashley: To everyone out there reading along in Gloss land, she is absolutely fucking serious. I think that can be an admirable trait, though, because I have really high expectations of people and become absolutely crushed when they fail to meet them, whereas you’d be friends with someone forever if they found out your favorite cookie and baked a batch for you. And then, if that person killed your family and fucked your dog, you’d be really angry until… well, until they made those cookies again. It’s crazy! You’re like a golden retriever in this way.
Jennifer: Isn’t that weird? You would think between the two of us I’d be the more judgmental one. Because, you know, I really like sharply tailored suits.
Ashley: You do. But I also want people to always be bettering themselves and you’re like, “They’re trying. And really nice!”
Jennifer: So, yes, you generally choose to befriend people for character traits they possess, which is, probably, in the long run, going to cause you to make better life choices. Like, sometimes I play the party game, “Who goes Nazi?” The rules are pretty built into the title. You guess which of your friend would, at the rise of Nazi Germany, join the Nazi party. And there is no doubt in my mind that if a nice Nazi lady said, “Please join my fun club, we have streusel,” I would be there in a heartbeat. I’d chair that club. And then I’d be Leni Reinfenstahl. You’re really my best hope not to end up that way. Because you, at least, would… well, you’d get all shout-y, the way you do sometimes.
Ashley: I would. I get shouty about principles. Even in the face of baked goods.