Jennifer: So, what are the principles the Kardashians or Jersey Shore cast go against? I mean, I will say that, while I am disposed to like almost anyone, my best friends share one trait in that they are reliably able to make me laugh. And the Kardashians or Jersey Shore people lack that capacity.
Ashley: Okay, this is kind of weird, but I wouldn’t lump them all together like that. I actually think JWOWW has a weird moral streak and I wouldn’t rank her alongside Kim Kardashian.
Ashley: Okay. Don’t judge me, but… in the first season of Jersey Shore, which is the only one I’ve seen, they all go out and get drunk at a club (so, every episode). But in this one scene, these drunk girls notice the filming and start harassing the cast members to draw attention to themselves. One of the girls calls Snooki fat. Snooki is drunk but she realizes she’s being antagonized and asks JWOWW what’s going on. JWOWW is angry and explains the situation to Snooki by saying, “They called us fat.” And I thought that was such a bizarrely decent, compassionate thing to say as a friend that, even though I find JWOWW objectionable and distasteful in some ways, I’ll always kind of like her for that.
Jennifer: What a nice person.
Ashley: Actually yes, right?
Jennifer: Actually so nice. Meanwhile, when I am being belittled, I usually just say people are saying it about you. ”Why are you being so unpleasant to Ashley?” I shout, thereby deflecting their rage over to you.
Ashley: Alternatively, if we play “Who joins the Nazi party?” with the Kardashians, suddenly you just imagine Kim in a leopard print officer’s uniform, shilling an appetite-suppressing skin whitening cream she designed in “collaboration” with Joseph Goebbels.
Jennifer: Oh, God, it’s so true. Okay, so, Kim is evil because she seems like a survivalist?
Ashley: Exactly. JWOWW is self-sacrificing and ultimately decent, while Kim is a “strong woman” and “serious businesswoman.”
Jennifer: Okay, so, I should align myself with Kim if I want to live. God, the world is tough place.
Ashley: I guess. Kim is, if nothing else, cynically able to further herself along. But I wonder how much of that is out of her control. There was a time when it seemed like Paris Hilton was just as famous. Anyway, I think what I’m trying to say is that people who are willing to sell themselves to the highest bidder are always dangerous in a way.
Jennifer: I want to live.
Ashley: This got weird.
Jennifer: Maybe I should bake Kim some cookies and buy her a goldfish. Do you think she likes goldfish?
Ashley: I don’t think she’s as easily swayed as you, Jennifer. I think that’s a secret to her longevity. She’s a Quisling.
Jennifer: I’ll buy her 2 goldfish!
Ashley: Good plan.
(All images via Kim Kardashian’s Instagram)