My Very Secret Fashion Week Diary: How Fashion Week Makes You Feel Like A Lame, Friendless 7th Grader

And then the show was over and everyone got up and left. I left really quickly, and I took another Fiber One bar for the road. It is a long road, and I guess we’re allcarrying the Fashion Week fire - by which I mean we will soon turn to eating people, not Fiber One bars. To carry the Fashion Week fire, remember:

fiber one bars

Outside I saw Tinsley Mortimer. She was wearing a neon yellow skirt that I guess we will all be wearing in a year or two. Because we’ll be part of a clone army.

I like Tinlsey Mortimer, not because I’ve ever met her, or because I love blonde socialites, but because I liked her book, Southern Charm. That book seemed to betray such a desperate longing for people to be nice to one another,  as well as the fact that Tinsley Mortimer very, very clearly believes that Heaven is located at 1 West 58th street. This may be the only time Tinsley is grouped with Hemingway, but what the hell. I thought it was a terrific book.

I like Tinsley. I like her because I think, she too is trying to figure out how to make people like her. She reminds me of a small creature with large eyes – a bewigged axolotl maybe – who seems to be shimmying about wanting to be loved.

I have drawn a heart onto this axolotl so you can see how much it loves you.

Whenever I see her I always find myself hoping that life works out for her, whatever that means for her. I hope she goes and plays elephant polo while eating $1,010 worth of ice cream. That seems like it would be something.

I thought about going up to her and saying “I liked your book,” but, you know, I didn’t. I play it real cool.


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    • SB

      Does your internal monologue have a newsletter I could subscribe to?

    • Liana

      Visorgogs. Those protective glasses were called Visorgogs.

      • Jennifer Wright

        I don’t often say this, but that would be such a good name for a band.

    • MR

      Yeah as a lowly guy, I don’t follow your fashion stuff. Though I saw the WSJ had an article today totally trashing the Week, calling it Deja vu. I’ll look for it and post it to you later.

    • mm

      I’ve always wanted to go to fashion week, but I’m pretty sure if I went I would feel the exact same way. I would probably hide in a corner and text a friend about how scary it is. Love the creeper shots of random people aahahah this is a hilarious post. If you go again bring someone with you so you’re not all alone freaked out! Or, you can pretend to be someone REALLY important and walk around all day calling everyone “dahhling.” There was a girl in my one and only acting class in LA who did that…she was obnoxious and worked as a waitress but on the first day of class I got the impression that she was a weathered actress who just hadn’t gotten famous yet. Since you were there for just one day, it would probably work.

    • Kj

      Saturn devouring his children! By Goya! Spanish studies FTW!

      I know just how you feel… I was limping down King West (aka, the second most ridiculously expensive area in Toronto) this evening after an afternoon of shilling cheap wine at the liquor store, and everyone there is so ridiculously good looking and well dressed and I suddenly feel like the biggest hick of all time who can never hope to ever reach the levels of awesome of these city folk.

      Anyhow, if it’s any consolation, you seem cool enough to intimidate me any time :)

    • Kimberly @ Twen-Teen

      I’ve met Tinsley, she’s nice! And I loved Southern Charm too.

      Am I the only person who finds it hilarious that Fiber One bars are the “official snack” of fashion week? Isn’t that like Nike being the official sneaker of the paralympics?

      Also, this.