Have you been looking and looking for a husband, only to find that most men are too busy with their meat and their football to even take a quick glance at your boobs? Hack the system by camouflaging yourself as beer, the official drink of men!
Before they even realize what’s happening, you will be talking about your feelings and marrying them, and there won’t be a lick they can do about it. You can thank me at your wedding.
In all seriousness, though, this dress is kind of awesome, because it reminds me of the time my friend and I got moderately baked and went to The Heineken Experience, a theme park in Amsterdam that seems expressly designed to teach stoned people what it’s like to be a Heineken beer. Like, all the rides let you experience things from a beer’s-eye-view. “Dude, we’re beer,” we said, and laughed and laughed. I think I’m going to buy this dress just so I can wear it to her next birthday party and see if she remembers what I’m referring to. (She totally will.)