Jennifer: Remember when J Pierpont Morgan pulled us out of that recession? Why doesn’t he do that now?Â Wait! I have a theory about why we date older men that has nothing to do with daddy issues!
Ashley: GO ON.
Jennifer: We were weird kids, and probably our peer group did not really understand us terribly well. However, adults LOVE weird kids. We came to see older people as natural allies.Â And probably that sense has carried with us into adulthood.
Ashley: Huh. That weird, flimsy, near-baseless pop psychology you just spouted seems… crazy enough to work.
Ashley: Only problem is–don’t all children think adults are cooler and more interesting than other children?
Jennifer: No, a lot of kids have friends their own age.Â Instead of mixing martinis for their parents’ friends and joking about how they are a scotch drinker, themselves. At nine.
Ashley: I think even my imaginary friends were older.Â At the same time, there’s probably plenty of 23-year-olds who are having a good time with plenty of other 23-year-olds. In clubs. Dancing on bars. Drinking what I am now certain is vodka cran.
Jennifer: I hear that’s very good for UTIs.Â That’s the kind of thinking that makes us unwelcome in clubs, isn’t it?
Jennifer: Good thing our boyfriends are slowly going deaf and can’t hear so well.
Ashley: Alternatively, you could have stuck a finger in your mouth and cooed “I looooove vodka.”Â But you didn’t.
Jennifer: When he goes deaf, I hope he’ll still be able to “hear” Sinatra with his feet.Â Like that kid in Mr. Holland’s Opus!
Ashley: Maybe we’re just unfit for love and happiness, Jen. Maybe that’s the answer.
Jennifer: You are the witness to my life, buddy. Let’s go have a sctoch.