I Think I Am Developing An Uncomfortable Crush On Johan, The Gevalia Coffee Guy

Look, this is uncomfortable, because I’m pretty sure this is like being the kind of woman who lusted after Fabio. And I always thought that kind of woman was very likely to wear sweaters with cats on them.

But have you seen these commercials?

Every time I am working on something at 3:00 in the morning, they are always on. I leave the television on while I’m working, partly because I don’t want to fall asleep, partly because I like to feel connected to humanity. I don’t really pay attention to it. But Jesus Christ, Johan’s voice makes me sit up and take notice. I think it may be because whenever this commercial is on I feel like the woman sitting in the cubicle, and I just want a young, eager assistant who looks like Johan.

Or it’s possible that I am just really attracted to men who can pull off fur coats. That seems reasonable.

Anyhow, I’m mentioning this because I’m vaguely hopeful we can make it a thing, like when every guy you knew had a crush on the T-Mobile girl. Remember her?

t mobile girl

She’s still around, but she no longer wears a sundress.

Look, I really think the man-fur coat is the man equivalent to a pink sundress. I don’t know. It looks like he killed some beast himself. Anyhow, I would like a cup of coffee and I would like Johan to bring it to me, and I am going to continue lusting after him without ever changing my coffee brand because the stuff he is hawking is not stocked in the office kitchen. Good talk, everyone.

Share This Post:
    • Ellen W.

      You too? I am so very relieved.

      • Jennifer Wright

        Oh, thank God.

      • Jennifer Wright

        Cat sweater shopping this weekend?

    • Cate

      I hate to say this, but despite the fact that I tend not to find blondes very attractive and prefer men with shorter hair, I too am in the Johan love club.

      I like cats, but I prefer rabbits. I think I will invest in a sweater with many, many rabbits on it. Rabbits made out of puffballs.

    • MR

      You can hold your own against her in a sundress.

    • Sarah

      You are not alone, my friend. I started buying this coffee (because it was on sale) prior to seeing any of these commercials, but now I wonder if people see what I buy and think it is BECAUSE of the commercials.

      Let’s be honest though. 1) no one is looking at what I buy and 2) they’re probably right

    • Renee

      Meh. This commercial is insisting too hard that this man is “HANDSOME” and I don’t really feel aroused when I sense people are trying to manipulate me, specifically for financial gain. BUT! Men bearing caffeinated beverages are always appropriate lust fodder.

    • Sean

      As a straight male, I am genuinely disturbed by the warm and fuzzy feeling his voice gives me.

      Ok not that disturbed.

      Maybe a bit jealous.

      Love his jacket.

    • Tania

      If we have these commercials in Canada, I’ve never seen them.

      But yum. I am definitely into cats and blonde men with long hair and accents and coffee.