“If You Wear Makeup To The Gym, I Assume You Wear Clown Makeup To Work”

And as for this sentiment’s more prevalent relative, “I like natural beauty, not women who wear a ton of make-up.”

Here is the thing: you don’t get to belong to a group of people that constantly tells women and girls to make themselves prettier, and then criticize them for going ahead and trying to make themselves prettier. You don’t get credit for telling beautiful women to wear less make-up if and when you are equally quick to point out flaws in other women. You don’t get credit for saying you appreciate “natural” beauty in women who are already conventionally beautiful by LITERALLY EVERYONE’S STANDARDS. (And who — I’m serious, and though you do not believe me, I’m telling you it’s true — are definitely wearing make-up.) That’s what I hate perhaps most of all: the assumption that anyone should pat you on the back for saying something like this. I’m shaking my mascara wand at you! Fuck off!

Even guys who do not, as individuals, enforce this directive on women, as surely many don’t, are still not allowed to say that anyone is wearing too much make-up, because in 99.9% of cases (i.e. everyone but that make-up artist guy on E!) they don’t know what they’re talking about. Give it up! It is over. There isn’t enough time left in life to teach you all of this stuff.

Here is the new law: if you cannot identify each and every product on a woman’s face, you can’t say that there are too many on it. It is forbidden.

This post by Katie Heaney originally appeared on her blog Shut Up. Tell Me.

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    • Nancy

      Totally agree! Loved this

    • hope

      hey i really love your articles please read my blog too @ http://hopethefeminist.blogspot.com/ . i have some pretty great staff to share

    • Anne

      Yesss!! “I’m shaking my mascara wand at you! Fuck off!” I am printing and framing that one. Haha

    • Erynn

      Because as we all know, going to the gym should be about pleasing other people who are there. :P

      I don’t intentionally put on makeup for the gym but I never take it off if I’m already wearing it, just to work out. Sweating with eyeliner on doesn’t bother me…if it bothers guys, maybe they should spend a little more time focusing on their workout than mine…

      • Colleen

        I agree with your second paragraph wholeheartedly. When I go to the gym (on the rare occasion that I get off my lazy ass), I go right after work and if I want to get the elliptical machine right in front of the TV that plays Family Guy right after work, I have to book it there, change as fast as I can, and get on it. Who the fuck takes time to take off their makeup?

      • Amy

        @Colleen: ogmigawd me too! Except for me it’s Law & Order SVU.

        I’m not going to risk running on the treadmill that faces the wall just to take off my mascara.

    • Fabel


    • Lo

      I wear clown makeup to the gym. Does that count? I don’t have a membership.

      • lucygoosey74

        Thank you Lo, I needed this!

    • ellemck1

      I mean, if I’m going to the gym first, I won’t be wearing makeup, I’ll put it on after I clean up. But if I’m going after work (which is normally when I workout, because doing it before would require me to wake up way too early) I’m gonna leave what I have on my face already in place. And really, if you don’t like it, that’s your problem. Maybe you’ll be so distracted you fly off the treadmill?