• Wed, Sep 19 2012

L.A. Chef Slow Cooked His Wife, Hid Her Skull At His Mom’s House

I can’t help but feel like our endorsement of cannibal kings was in some way responsible. We never meant for it to go this far!

L.A. chef David Viens’ wife, Dawn Viens, disappeared in 2009. Her body had never been found. David finally confessed to the murder, saying that “I just slowly cooked it and I ended up cooking her for four days.”

According to the Los Angeles Times:

He stuffed his wife’s lifeless body into a 55-gallon drum of boiling water and kept it submerged with weights. After four days, he mixed much of what remained with other waste and then disposed of it…The only thing left, Viens said in the interview, was his wife’s skull. He said he stashed it at his mother’s house.

The Daily Mail reports that Vien’s daughter, Jacqueline, claimed that she recalled her father saying that Dawn had been needling him the night before and he “just needed to get some sleep.” So he tied Dawn up and taped her mouth shut. By the next morning she was dead.

“For some reason I just got violent” David Viens said.

I’d say this is a lesson in not marrying anyone who complains about how much they need their sleep, but maybe it’s just a lesson in not marrying chefs. Or men with an aptitude for violence. Or anyone. Don’t marry anyone, and just live in a safe apartment where there are no cooking supplies and only order take-out, please, for the love of God, just do that.

Picture via Los Angeles Times

What We're Reading:
Share This Post:
  • Sean

    To ensure you never have cooking supplies, make sure guests that bring food take back whatever dishes they brought the food in.

    The most effective way is to put their cutlery in their coat pockets, and in the case of casserole dishes, glue the dish to one of their shoes.

    • Cate

      Guests? Jesus, sir, are you out of your mind? What if the guests decide, during the course of their visit, to cook you? NEVER HAVE GUESTS!

    • Sean

      Not even one’s parents?

      It might be wishful thinking, but I really think (in my case at least) they would have done so already by now.

      Just be sure to hide the jars of urine and toenail clippings.

  • LoveyDovey

    Have no fear! Take this test, and breathe easier!

    http://theoatmeal.com/quiz/plotting_eat