Hot Older Men We’d Happily Sleep With

Yup, Jeremy Irons in leather pants.

Jennifer: Jeremy Irons for everything. He bought a castle and then painted it peach, claiming, “Just as my mother’s new hairdo always looked better the day after it was done, so the castle will look better tomorrow.”

Ashley: …

Jennifer: Don’t you just feel all the feelings?

Ashley: I… I don’t know. That’s like finding out Nicolas Cage has a shrunken head collection. Wait, no. The Cage thing makes perfect sense.

Jennifer: Jeremy Irons buying a castle and painting it whimsically doesn’t feel right?

Ashley: I guess it does. I don’t think I could sleep with or marry Jeremy Irons, though, on account of how he killed Mufasa and all.

Jennifer: The Borgias. Dead Ringers. Reversal Of Fortune. And OH MY GOD, Brideshead Revisited.

Ashley: Have you actually seen Dead Ringers?!

Jennifer: I was thinking about the part before he goes all pokey.

Ashley: That’s like saying, “Dennis Hopper is so fuckable. Have you seen Blue Velvet?”

Jennifer: But at the beginning…Some of us have offbeat tastes, I guess, though I see how that could have damaged my case. I suppose Reversal of Fortune is also about him maybe killing a woman.

Ashley: So you’d marry Jeremy Irons and… fuck Warren Beatty, right?

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    • Leila

      I don’ t think this can be reiterated enough: WHY DIDN’T YOU DO HARRISON FORD?!

      • Ashley Cardiff

        I DONT KNOW

    • Alma

      You ladies make me happy <3

    • Maggie

      Another pro for marrying Jeremy Irons (as if you needed one): he could read to you in his ridiculously sexy voice. Read me bedtime stories, Jeremy Irons!

      • Jodi

        Best. Idea. Ever.

      • Jennifer Wright

        I keep the Borgias on in the background while I am working all the time. I have no idea what exactly is happening with the plot.

    • Jodi

      The entire time I was reading this, I was thinking, “Good grief! Where’s Sean Connery? Where’s Harrison Ford? HOW could they miss these two hotties?” Thankfully, you redeemed yourselves!

    • Lex

      HARRISON FORD! SEAN CONNERY!!! MARK HARMON!!!

      • Anne

        Yes!! Mark Harmon! God, how did they not even mention him??

    • Candace

      John Verdi!

      Jk (?)

      • Jennifer Wright

        You’re hitting pretty close to home for some of the people in this discussion, Candace.

    • LaLa

      Jeremy Irons FOREVER!!!!

    • Fabel

      Patrick Stewart. Definitely, definitely. Everyone wants to fuck him though, right?

    • S.Park

      guys… Robert Redford

      • Ashley Cardiff

        We really fucked this up.

    • Breezy

      Marry Jeremy Irons so he could talk me to sleep every night. And give me bad news, which I would subsequently take very well. Because even the worst news would sound nice coming from him.

      Fuck Jack Nicholson because even though he is not as sexy as he once was, the strangely erotic craziness in his eyes probably persists. I would have terrificly terrified sex with him while he yelled at me.*

      And kill Beatty. Someone had to go.

      *Got a little Stoddeny there, sorry about that.

    • Jen

      Gabriel Byrne. Gabriel Byrne forever.

    • Spastastic

      WHAT ABOUT ALAN RICKMAN?

      I’m 22, and decidedly attracted to older men. I’m attracted to young and middle-aged men too — age just isn’t much of a factor for me, really. But there does seem to be a rather long list of over-sixties that I’d totally have sex with. I call the men on this list “hot old guys.”

      A lot of my friends think it’s strange or gross, and for a while I felt weird and conflicted about it, but now I’ve decided to just own it. HOT OLDER MEN FOR THE WIN.

      • Tori

        OMG!!!!! ALAN RICKMAN! Thank you for saying that! Thought I was the only one!

      • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.hicks.73 Sarah Hicks

        I hate feeling alone about that- so it’s good to find that I’m not. Let’s just kick Beatty off the list…and make the choice a million times harder. Despite the fact that Alan Rickman wins, just wins everything. As it should be.

    • zomg

      You forgot the hottest of the hot, Christoph Waltz. Ooooh I’d F-&-or-M him any time…

      • Ashley Cardiff

        Christoph Waltz is maybe #1 Dream Husband, but at 55, he was younger than our cutoff of 60+.

    • Kristin

      Colin Firth, especially if he’s dressed up like Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice

    • GreerLovesGovert

      Nope, nope and nope. How is it Springsteen didn’t make this list? Still so very fuckable. And marriagable, too, as borne out by his track record with Patti. He’s got a standing offer with me till he’s 70.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        Look, I agree to a point–he looks great. And ’70s Springsteen may be the hottest man of all?

        But the soulpatch, my friend. The soulpatch.

    • Sarah!

      The small version of this Jeremy Irons photo looks like Henry Winkler. And I thought, “Would I fuck Henry Winkler?” I probably would.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        LOL

        It really does.

    • dee.

      Oh I would so hop into my time machine and fuck a young Jack Nicholson hard! Without a doubt he was the hottest in his prime. And while, yes, the attraction is largely based on that crazy, animal magnetism only he posses and the bland-as-a-diabetic-tray-on-an-aeroplane Beatty lacks… let us not forget Jack was physically pretty hot before he aged into a typical 70 odd year old man. While my Nicholson fueled dreams usually involve ripping that black turtleneck off Robert Dupea while he swings me around my apartment like Betty in Five Easy Pieces…I’d screw him in a mental institution or the Overlook hotel too. I’d screw him whether he’s a postman that only rings twice, an aging astronaut or a lonely guy with OCD. Why? Because he’s JACK!

    • Juke Box

      Kill Nicholson and Beatty. Marry and fuck or fuck and marry jeremy irons.