• Fri, Sep 21 2012

Breaking News: Dating An Alcoholic Drug Addict Will Absolutely, Positively Ruin Your Life

I can admit I don’t know much about the world. I know the earth is round. I know that the sky is blue thanks to particles (right?). I know that I hate cilantro. But on the negative end of things I know what it’s like to be in love with an alcoholic drug addict. I also know the downfall of loving someone so fucked up, but yet so intensely that, as you watch your world fall apart, you keep hanging on, you know, just in case they come around to rational thinking. But you can’t help someone, who won’t help themselves.

However, the problem with loving someone so deep in addiction is you fail in all realms. You can try to fight it. You can try to help them. You can play nurse to the wounded bird whom you’ve wanted to fix for so long, but you still come up empty-handed. So you love them with everything you have, but since you lost the war against their crutch, all you can do is watch. You can cry; believe me, you can cry until you’re raw, but at the end of the day you’re fighting against windmills. You can’t win. So you do all you can do: you walk away.

And when you look back you realize: “My god! He almost destroyed me!” Yes, in the name of love, he almost destroyed me. In my next life, if one exists, I’ll know better and I’ll walk away sooner than I did.

As I sit here debating whether or not to be a character witness at his trial, here are a few things I learned along the way.


Photo: MockingWords

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  • Lastango

    Good piece! Co-dependency and enabling can be huge, life-changing problems for people who live close to those with addictions or compulsions.
    Recognizing what’s happening is the first step.
    Next step: learning we don’t have to go through this alone.

  • tm

    I dated an addict for almost 2 years, it was hell, all of what you wrote happened to me and then some. he even got to the point he was violent with me and was taken to court…i have learned my lesson, i will never date someone who sniffs or smokes substances again, first signs of an alcohol issue, gone, the more time you invest the harder it is to leave and they wont ever leave. they need you in order to keep their habits going, you dont need them.

  • Donesies

    I dated an addict for SUCH a long time!! It was exhausting! I am never ever doing that again but now I know which red flags to watch for. If someone new tells me about any of those things, they are off my list forever. I don’t have time for addiction bullshit.

  • Jamie Peck

    Oh no, Amanda! I hope you stay away away from this dude and dudes like him in the future. I understand the appeal of bad boys and it took me a while to learn to be attracted to niceness, but man do I not miss those guys now.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Oh, he’s long gone! I’ve just been asked to be a witness at his trial for drug charges… so all of the madness came flooding back to me. I’m ready for grown-up fellas… or at least ones who aren’t a hot mess all the time.

  • Yo momma

    Oh no your Tiffany earrings got stoled! I’m sure there was something you loved about him. Sexy? Cute? Rude? Haircut? Clothes? His dick? All of those things that made you little heart go boom… You got a fraction of what you deserved. You got off easy.

    • Amanda Chatel

      I think the word is “stolen.” And don’t worry, I have plenty more Tiffany… so it wasn’t a big deal.

      It should also be “YOUR little heart.” If you’re going to waste time trying to insult someone you should probably at least try to spell correctly, TN.

    • anya

      @Amanda, although I don’t agree with this person’s comment, I catch obvious spelling errors multiple times a day when I read from this site. I’m not sure if you are a good person to be handing out spelling advice. Seriously, there’s spellcheck for that.

    • Yo momma

      I was ‘speaking’ phonetically. Get a clue.

  • lucygoosey74

    I felt so bad for you as I read this, because I used to be that alcoholic drug addict that ruined people’s lives. I’ll always be an addict, but I’ve been clean for 4 years. I did all those shitty things to other people aside from stealing their Tiffany which I assure you, I would have done had I had the chance.
    I could never figure out why all my friends left me and why the only people that would associate with me were the folks who were already at the bar at 7am.
    I’m so sorry that you had to be on the other end of something like this, I have such deep regrets for everything I’ve done and all the people I’ve hurt.
    Maybe someday your addict former love will wake up and get help and then try to make ammends to you. Maybe not. Who knows? Hope is a good thing though.

    • Rose Gonzalez

      Thx for sharing your experience. It shows that addicts can choose to change.

  • miss rose

    My name is miss rose I am from Mexico, I was I a relationship with john and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but August 12, 2011 a day I can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because I answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but I refused, and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I begged him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down cast and I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a trial because I love john very much and I am not willing to loose him to any woman, so I ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that made me a happy woman again to say it all my ex came back to me with much love and a caring heart…i am testifying to this great spell caster sango spell temple. if you need his help you can contact him on sangospelltemple@gmail.com

  • Yo momma

    Maybe quit trying to upset yer daddy and stick to associating with only other spoiled rich people from now on. Dangle some of that ‘plenty more Tiffany’ of yours. Make your momma and daddy happy. Have fun at the trial.

  • Ugh

    I just wanted to say that I’m going threw exactly what everyone here is going threw. I dated a guy who abused drugs even coke and was a alcoholic. We dated for a year and a half I tried being there for him and be the best girlfriend to him I always was there for him and whenever I needed him he would rather go party with his friends and leave me at home crying then he tried to kill himself since I didn’t want to be with him anymore he messed with my mind so bad that I’m still trying to find my true self again but when we got back together he stayed clean and as soon as we Broke up he was back to drinking and smoking weed and has a new girlfriend and for some odd reason I want him back even though it would be the worst idea what should I do I just have so much love for him but he was never there for me