Every Time You Don’t Say “Slut,” Rush Limbaugh’s Penis Shrinks A Little Bit

While every sensible part of me wishes to ignore the possibility of Rush Limbaugh having a naked body, let alone a penis, he has made that fact sufficiently known — it’s here, it’s mere, get used it it.

Limbaugh, professional troll and sexism-promoting hobbyist, recently discussed the results of a study regarding male genitalia, which concluded that penises are roughly 10% smaller on average than they were fifty years ago. Rather than believing in science, logic and testimony — we all know how that turned out last time — Rush decided that somebody must be held responsible for this blooming new condition of Shrinking Dickitis. And who might be the ones to blame? It’s obvious: feminists!

“The study’s leaders claim to have bona fide research that says the average size of a penis is roughly 10 percent smaller than it was 50 years ago. And the researchers say air pollution is why…I don’t buy this. I think it’s feminism. I think if it’s tied to the last 50 years, the average size of a member is 10 percent smaller … it has to be the feminazis.”

First of all, I (as well most people) am pretty sick of this whole “feminazi” name. It conjures ridiculous images of women shouting,”VAGIN-HEIL” towards statues of Susan B. Anthony while giant wooden penises blaze in the background, all of us cackling as we wear Nuvarings like jelly bracelets and pop birth control like M&Ms.

Second: what? Even for Rushy the Rash, it’s a little far-fetched. The idea that women pushing for equal pay and refusing to accept sexism as a fact of life is the reason for the average member being smaller is at best laughable and at worst…well, no, it’s mostly just hilarious.

I imagine Todd Akin is a fan, though. Perhaps they’re secretly trying to rally people into acting sexist in an effort to embiggen their bulges? Regardless, I think this can be filed under “Reasons Why I’m So Glad Rush Limbaugh Is Not In Any Government Office.”

Pic via Newsodrome

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    • Renee

      That’s right boys! We feminazis have been sneaking in when you were asleep and slowly shortening your winkies for the last 50 years. Caught us! Lol! And we would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for that Rush Limbaugh!