Learning To Cook Reluctantly: How To Make Chocolate Covered Oreos

I lay awake at night worrying about this and did them at 4:00 in the morning. Sometimes, things end in disaster. Other things don’t! HOW WILL THIS STORY END?

I’ll tell you how it began, like a Truman Capote novel. So, I guess insert something about repressed homosexuality either in high society or the deep south. Amanda Chatel was having a black and white themed birthday party. Like Truman’s. It was beautiful. Here were the balloons.

So, in much the manner of Babe Paley, or some modern day Holly Golightly, I decided I would bring a pumpple (it was whiskey buttermilk, double cherry and white icing this time, otherwise, the rules for cake with two pies in it remain the same) and chocolate dipped oreos. The pumpple actually didn’t concern me at all. Because it’s not that hard.

But the Oreos.

To be fair, it was partly Ashley’s fault because she gave me some speech about using bakers chocolate and peeling it off in fine shavings, which all the while made me think, “how would I even do that? With a cheese grater? People have cheese graters?” Meanwhile, I found this recipe online, which looked pretty simple, but it had this review:

“This is the worst recipe that I have EVER tried. Don’t be fooled by how easy it looks because it is not simple. the directions are way too vague!!!!! melting the mixture in the microwave was a total disaster!!!!! luckily I have had enough experience in the kitchen that I knew that I should put it in a saucepan on the stove. I was able to salvage the chocolate by adding more margarine and thinning it out with milk as I melted it over a low heat….DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME & MONEY! Please try a different recipe….”

I will say that everything in my life up until this point has caused me to be mistrustful of the competence of anyone who uses five exclamation points. Nonetheless, I kept thinking about chocolate being salvaged, like it was some kind of wreckage. In any event, the whole thing caused me to wake up at 4:00, and I lay in bed thinking about what margarine had to do with anything, and how I didn’t buy bakers chocolate, because I don’t really know what that is. I bought some dark chocolate chips and some white chocolate chips. “Fuck it,” I thought, “just do this. Show the world they don’t need a cheese grater. Or margarine.”

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    • Meghan Keane

      Yeah, here’s the thing about white chocolate: it’s not really chocolate at all. It’s mostly cocoa butter and milk solids. So you have to melt it SUPER slowly or it starts burning and getting all kinds of nasty.

    • Christie

      Yeah, white chocolate is much more difficult to work with when melted. Once you heat it too quickly, it burns and is disgusting. You could try doing the double-boiler method on the stove which prevents it from scorching as long as you continue to stir it. Or microwave on low for 30 seconds at a time and stir in between.

    • Renee

      Yes, white chocolate is a nightmare substance.

      Unless you melt it with a little bit of Grand Marnier and dip fruit in it. Cause that stuff is amazing.

    • Stephanie

      Hahaha like an albino with rhythm . that made my entirely too boring day burst with sunflowers and rainbow hearts.

    • Amanda Chatel

      I would like to take this moment to point out that Jennifer’s cake was the star of the party, and those chocolate covered Oreos were probably the best breakfast item I have ever had.

      I fully support her opening a bakery, as long as it’s within walking distance of my apartment, as I am a firm believer in easy access.

    • alma

      I made oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies last week….I win