• Mon, Sep 24 2012

Harlotry: The Tale Of The Dirty Masturbator

I’ve already written about how the men who patronized Club Paradox tended towards exhibitionism, but none wanted to be watched more than the man we called ‘The Masturbator.” Almost all the men jerked off as they watched us–that was, as I understand it, the main appeal of the private booth setup of the club–but none did so with such a bizarre mixture of shame and enthusiasm as the Masturbator.

The Masturbator was a very large very well-dressed man of late middle years who bore a distinct resemblance to Fatty Arbuckle and made an appearance at the peep show every one to two weeks. He almost always visited on Wednesdays and usually showed up between the hours of ten and eleven at night. Part of the regularity of his routine seemed to stem from his infatuation with Patty, our beloved front desk worker, house mom, and manager. There were other front desk workers, such as the woman who hired me, but they changed regularly, and none of them were as dear to our hearts as Patty. But we weren’t the only ones who loved her.

Despite the fact that she was much older and much more clothed than any of us, customers were constantly trying to wheedle her into getting into one of the booths and giving them a show, but none were as persistent as the Masturbator. Every time he visited, he would spend at least half an hour trying to talk Patty into a show, waving money in her face, telling her all about his jerk-off routine, and asking her lots of presumptuous questions about her self-love habits. Every time the Masturbator visited, Patty would tell him that she didn’t dance, that no amount of money could convince her to dance, and that what she did when she was alone was none of anyone’s business. When he finally gave up he would select one of the girls from the slideshow picture frames that were displayed in the lobby, purchase time in the ‘windowless’ room, and the fun would start.

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  • Fabel

    I really love that detail at the end where you all would just text each other “masturbate” for an instant giggle. I think this was my favorite– hilarious the whole way through.

  • Jenny

    Is it weird that of all the stories you have written (I love this series, by the way), I am most flabbergasted that The Masturbator was allowed to bring in his own bottle of oil?

    • Cate

      We were all pretty upset about that too. Crystal, especially, was convinced he jerked off into the bottle first.

      Sadly, there wasn’t any kind of rule against outside oils, and since he had been coming there for years, I think it had gotten to a point where it wasn’t really possible for Patty to just say no.

  • lucygoosey74

    Is it weird that the part of this story that perplexed me the most was that you washed off the oil with windex?!
    I never knew that was a thing!
    That being said, I don’t know how you were able to deal with this guy. I work retail, and sure, I get some real dandies in my store, but geez, there’s no way I could ever deal with this guy. I applaud your patience!

    • Cate

      We tried all different things, but yeah, for that volume of oil Windex was definitely the best.

      It was definitely gross, though.

  • Grant

    Another good post. More good writing. Was very close to someone who worked at one point in “a booth”. She chose to never talk about it in detail, and I respected and understood that. Anyway, I appreciate you sharing your experiences, gives me a little pseudo-insight. I know you’re sticking to the “highlights” but trust me, I’m sure i”m not the only one that would be interested in the details of even the day-to-day everything. Write that book! and in the meantime, keep on keeping on Cate. Respect.

  • Guest

    Where or how can I get to the beginning of your stories so that I can read them chronologically? You are a fantastic writer and I just had to laugh through this whole story!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jessie.braun.9 Jessie Braun

    Where or how can I get to the beginning of your stories so that I can read them chronologically? You are a fantastic writer and I just had to laugh through this whole story! Hopefully, this question will go through! I don’t know what I did to mess it up earlier. :( Can you respond to my email or will the answer come to facebook? I’m anxious to read more.