I Will Not Stand For Criticism Of The Chobani Yogurt Cafe

chobani yogurt soho cafe

There are a lot of things that terrify me about living in the modern age. Global warming. The ever present threat of nuclear apocalypse. Government officials thinking that the female uterus can shut down rape presumably by witchcraft or “being sassy”. Toilet snakes.

But one of the things that makes me think “thank God I was born to this age, this most glorious age” is the Chobani Soho Cafe.

Unfortunately, this means there is nothing left but for me to challenge Katie J.M. Baker to a duel. I expected her piece “New Fancy Yogurt Cafe Makes Me Feel So Many Things“  to be just, I don’t know, words, like “flower” and “joy” and happy gurgling noises and her favorite letter typed over and over, because the Chobani Soho Cafe inspires such delight that it becomes hard to type. I would have understood that.

Do you know how the Chobani Soho Cafe makes me feel? Like this guy.

Holding the world in my hands, and laughing, and happy. But, with a smaller belly, because Chobani is fairly low calorie and generally high in protein. But still delicious! Seriously. Look at how lovely their flavors are:

Lovely. That’s how lovely they are.

Katie clearly did not agree. She writes:

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    • Beth

      I love Chobani! Hoi polloi is Greek though, like the delicious yogurt. Just sayin’.

      • Jennifer Wright

        Serves me right.

    • Eagle Eye

      I am SUPER excited for the day (probably in about 10 years or so) when this amazing idea of a cafe makes it way north and then I can eat it.

      Although my local (regular bakery) cafe does serve locally made Greek yogurt drizzled with local honey and sprinkled with granola and fruit and it is just really fucking delicious…

    • Renee

      If she willingly admits to paying the same amount for coffee, then what is the problem? Those DO sound delicious.

    • Lauren

      I’m now thoroughly annoyed at myself for not reading this article before I went out for lunch. Even though I don’t work near Soho, I would have gladly braved the rainy day subway to go there. I guess I’ll spend my weekend memorizing the menu and deciding which delectable creation I want to eat next week.

    • Stephanie

      I am just going to copy and paste my comment on the Jez article because I think that is easier:

      #Guilty… I love the Chobani store! I don’t think the price is all that ridiculous anyway – think about how much you pay for lunch at work or for coffee in the morning. If you went to the supermarket your Greek yogurt costs $2. Add all the fresh ingredients and the price adds up. At the store, if you bring your glass bowl back (recycling!) you get 25 cents off your next purchase. Fig & Walnut? Yes, please.

    • London

      I hats Greek yogurt and chobani but 4.25 doesn’t sound ridiculous at all. It just sounds like the cost of lunch. Also somebody should tell her gourmet cereal shops are a thing. Its called cereality.

    • http://samanthaescobar.com Samantha Escobar

      For the record, I’ve had a fancy cereal dessert and it was FUCKING AWESOME.

      I love fruity Chobani. It thick, tastes like whatever its flavor is supposed to be and has almost as few calories as colored flavored sewage water, also known as “Yoplait Light.”

    • Kate

      as a greek, I refuse to eat chobani because it’s not ACTUALLY greek yogurt. it’s made in upstate new york, and in fact, the company was started by a turk… you know, the same country that massacred a bunch of greeks and have been trying to steal cyprus for ages. like, I don’t understand why champagne has all sorts of protection from competition (can’t call anything champagne if it’s not from the champagne region of france) and the greeks are getting screwed over by every tom, dick, and harry claiming that they’re making “greek yogurt”. YOU’RE NOT GREEK IT’S NOT GREEK YOGURT.

      eat fage instead