"Somebody call Sasha Grey; I'm just gonna get this out of the way."
Guess what, everybody? Kate Middleton has a vagina AND an ass in addition to those breasts everybody’s talkin’ about! Shocking news most definitely worthy of every headline ever! But seriously: I thought I was going to vomit last year when I had to hear about the royal wedding every six minutes, but I now realize I was just naive to think that that would be the height of Middleton Mania.
When she’s not naked on private property, she’s pregnant. When she’s pregnant, she’s having twins. When she’s having twins and pregnant and on the beach, Donald Trump is an asshole and Emma Roberts is patronizing and Katie Couric criticizes her body. We here at The Gloss believe there’s a hell of a lot more topics out there, but is there any rest in Kateland for the world? Not any time soon, methinks.
Alas, it’s high time at nude o’clock over in Denmark. Despite the royal family suing Closer, the magazine that originally published the topless pictures of Middleton, another tabloid has decided to take the undoubtedly profitable yet equally morally reprehensible plunge. How, you ask? Why, by printing fully nude photos of Middleton on its pages, of course!
Earlier this month, Danish tabloid Se og Hør promised its readers it would soon be publishing Middleton’s bikini’d body, minus the whole bikini. The best/worst part? They seem to see it as an obligation:
“It’s a set of unique photos from an A-class celebrity,” Se og Hør Editor Kim Henningsen told the Belfast Telegraph. “We are a leading gossip magazine in Denmark, and it is my job to publish them. If the British royal family want to sue us, then it will happen then and we’ll deal with it.”
Is it? Is it really? I mean, I know it’s your job but Henningsen — poor, misguided Henningsen — this part doesn’t need to be. Gossip away, by all means, but is it really necessary to publish grainy, pixelated photos of a woman who assumed she wasn’t being visually harassed by a peeping tom who just happened to have a camera? And is it actually news that she has a bottom half? Did everyone just assume there might be a mermaid tail underneath that suspiciously long weeding gown and now the Batman and Superman of tabloids, Closer and Se og Hør, are somehow morally responsible for proving it to the public?
Anyway, according to the Huffington Post, the pictures are scanned and up on the Internet in pretty terrible quality, so I assume the publication will likely publish them soon in their entirety. If you simply must see them, here you go. Personally, I think I’d rather fold laundry and listen to my dog snore, so I’m gonna go do that instead.
[irritated picture via InternationalBusinessTimes]
