• Mon, Oct 1 2012

So Who’s Going To Admit That They Masturbate At Work?

Go ahead and touch yourself. Your boss doesn't need to know what you do in the bathroom.

Admit it! I know you’ve done it. You totally did it this morning right before that first meeting and later on after your client conference call. You did it because you were bored, you were stressed or maybe you just needed to get off. Haven’t we all masturbated at work?

Actually, this is one where I don’t get to raise my hand. Although I’ve been on the other end of a phone call where a fella was jerking off, or so he claimed, this is a particular activity in which I’ve never participated. I’m not against it (obviously), but I’ve never worked in an environment that allowed for such a thing to be performed very easily. I really don’t want to be mid-orgasm then hear my boss peeing in the stall next to me — that shit can fuck you up for life.

But I have friends, many friends, both male and female, who don’t think twice about skipping off to the loo for a little self-love action. If you hate your job, what else is there? Sometimes those chocolate brownies your co-worker brought it just aren’t cutting it and you need to take care of yourself.

Sorry! This poll is now closed.

 

Photo: Mihály Zichy, 1911 copper engraving

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  • Leila

    This was totally a Dear Prudence letter. A woman got an urge and the bathroom lock was broken, her boss walked in and saw her and she got harassed forever about it. Prudie totally blamed the woman for not keeping her pants on, but I was like, woah woah woah, regardless of what she’s doing in the supposed-to-be-locked bathroom, your boss should not be telling your other co-workers about walking in on you.

  • Jamie Peck

    I work from home so it doesn’t count. But sure, occasionally. I close my laptop because I am paranoid you guys will somehow be able to see me.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Yeah, I do this too… but like you said, it doesn’t really count for us. I also logout of gmail because I fear someone is going to try to gchat video me at that very moment.

    • Sam

      I definitely have a chronic fear that I will somehow leave my webcam on or it’ll get hacked American Pie style. Dammit, technology.

  • meteor_echo

    I did it at my previous workplace XD
    We had a huge workplace with a room where people could rest if they were TOO tired (it was a very hectic job). So, I used that room a couple times specifically for this purpose. Also, they left me to cope alone with the whole workplaces for days sometimes, so I had no witnesses.

  • Megan

    I’ve done it before in my office at work. Before I discovered lexapro, it was my go to for dealing with heavy anxiety.

  • Lauren

    I’ve done it a couple of times. I used to date someone I worked with and we used to have sex in an edit suite. When we broke up for good (it took a long time to really break up) I would still occasionally need to get some in the middle of the day so I would do it so I didn’t text him and fall back into a toxic relationship. I did it for my mental health!! But I would go to a bathroom no one ever used, because I really didn’t want to be dong that while someone was in a stall next to me.

  • Jenniwren

    Honestly, I am kind of judging everyone right now! But that’s probably because I’m a frightful prude. I dunno, I just can’t imagine a situation in which I’d be A)horny enough and B)able to disregard the fact I was at work and what if people could hear me?

  • Josh

    Never done that, but when I do, I want to have at least one with me.