• Tue, Oct 2 2012

Shelved Dolls: Eva Braun – Satan’s Bride

Interestingly, Eva was actually quite clever in terms of photography. While she was employed as a shop clerk, she studied the photographers’ work and learned how to develop pictures on her own. That may seem like a minor skill, but I once took a photography course in high school and oh my God it was hard. You have to remember how to do ten different processes in a room lit only by red lights. A hell room, basically.

I think this is pretty fine evidence that Eva wasn’t just a dumb blonde.

The shop owner knew that Hitler, his client, whose pictures dotted the windows, had a fondness for pretty young girls. When Hitler first met Eva in 1929, she was on a ladder arranging items on the shelves. Her boss introduced them, though he originally introduced Hitler as “Mr. Wolff.” I am pretty sure this is because crazy men love going by secret aliases. I think it makes them feel like superheros.

Eva did not recognize him, and greeted him as “Mr. Wolff.”

How? How was that possible? She saw his photo first thing every morning. 

I understand that celebrities are sometimes shorter in person or whatever, but it was Hitler. He was kind of distinctive.

I know I decided Eva couldn’t be dumb because she single-handedly taught herself photography, but I do think she might have suffered from facial-blindness.

When her boss explained it was Hitler, she said “Him? I don’t know anything about the famous Hitler.”

Dude. HIS PHOTO WAS IN ALL THE WINDOWS.

You know, maybe she wasn’t that bright after all.

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  • Renee

    I don’t think you really need to defend her. She made her choices, and regardless of what was going on in her head, she clearly knew that things were not kosher (zing!). I’m not sure that being dumb and in love is really enough of an excuse to say that she wasn’t a bad person. Her one influence on the war was about cosmetics…

    She strikes me as Kim Kardashian type. Not really willing to kill to get the lifestyle she wants, but willing to skirt the line of morality, and perfectly willing to have others do the dirty work, provided she doesn’t have to deal with it, but still gets to live the high life.

    • BeccaTheCyborg

      Pretty much this.

      Also, Hitler dated Diana Mitford for a while to make her jealous.

    • Jennifer Wright

      YOU AND YOUR MITFORD SISTERS.

    • BeccaTheCyborg

      I have other obsessions.

      Armpit hair. The general weirdness of pumpkin-flavoured beverages. My belief Anna Wintour is actually some kind of undead queen.

  • Danielle

    Another fascinating read.

  • Anjie

    I look forward to this series every week. Fantastic – as always!

    Also, I love this:
    Be good to your female friends. Listen to your parents, too. Our judgement is weak and flawed, because we are people, and people have soft, stupid hearts. But if you can surround yourself with people who love you and have your best interest at heart, there will be someone to drag you up from your emotional bunkers.

  • Kim

    Eva had to have recognized Hitler when introduced. She was playing coy to get his attention.

    • Sabrina

      This was my thought too. It makes sense that she was just playing coy. And obviously Hitler liked it.

  • Emma

    Great article, but King was quoting Dante…

  • P

    Off topic, but just wondering if the pop-up book made you more or less afraid of sexual organs as you got older? Would you thank your mother today for demystifying the stuff that many people wouldn’t talk about with their kids?

  • Renee

    Frida Kahlo next?

  • len132

    Eleanor of Aquitaine? Pleeeeaaaaaase?!?! I’m making puppy dog eyes at you. You don’t know me, but my puppy dog eyes are very good.

  • footnotegirl

    Empress Theadora!

  • Ellen W.

    So, 3 women shot themselves avobe the neck for Hitler? That’s so crazy. I mean, I know powerful men can attract some very unstable women, but did Lenin have this kind of awful track record with girlfriends?

  • Alyssa

    She was a bad person. She had to know what Hitler was doing and the fact that she was apathetic to the thought of her sister in a concentration camp or the death of her brother in law support that. Her biggest concern about the war was lack of cosmetics and she wore fancy underwear and swimsuits at a time where people were dying because of the man she loved. Please don’t defend her. Don’t even consider the possibility that she was a “good person”. She was obviously amoral and she knew what she was doing. Don’t blame it on her lack of female friends or that women in love do crazy things. I usually love the shelved doll articles, and I learn a lot from them. However, it seems to me like you were just trying to make excuses for her and that’s all this article was really about and I honestly find that appalling.

  • Cat

    Great article!

  • MR

    As always you did another nice job on this one. I have no sympathy for her. Maybe she’s a reflection of how the German people bought into Nazi fanaticism. It’s of course very disturbing. Under their system, any citizen could be labled an enemy of the State. You were gulity to proven innocent. On a side note, the Russians (the Soviets at the time) historically have never been our natural enemy – ie. when we had a conflict over whaling rights off of Alaska, we convinced them to sell the whole thing to us. During Hitler’s war, we ran a weapons supply line across what is today Iran (Persia) to them. If the Germans had won the Battle of Stalingrad, they would have closed it and captured their oil supply. It truly was the turning point: Enemy at the Gates.

  • lovecomesfromlife

    The circle of hell meant for betrayers (of all types) is cold. Like the betrayer’s hearts.