By the time Hitler became Chancellor, atrocities were already beginning to take place. However, Eva seemed oblivious. She was doing yoga.
And she was riding around in Hitler’s car, and going on vacations, and buying dresses and saying she only wanted “a merry life.” On May 28th, 1935, Eva wrote in her diary, “His head was full of political problems all the time. But isn’t there a relaxation now?”
However, soon after, Hitler left Eva again. Political problems. Months went by with no letters from him. Eva fell, once again, into deep despair. She wrote in her diary, “Oh, God, I’m afraid there won’t be a reply today. If only someone would help me. Everything is horribly bleak. Maybe I shouldn’t have written him. This uncertainty is more hard to bear than a sudden end. I must speak to him today. Tomorrow will be too late. This time, I have decided on 35 tablets. If only he would get someone to telephone me.”
Eva keeps striking me as a Jackie Susann character, but surely, everyone, at some time, has felt that terrible anxiety over a lover who seems to be ignoring you. The anxiety is almost unbearable. It’s only shocking in this case because her anxiety was caused by Hitler.
After her second suicide attempt (after ingesting 35 tablets, she was discovered by her sister once again, and revived) Hitler began to take her around with him, introducing her to party members as his private secretary. The position meant that she could enter the Chancellery by way of the side staircase somewhat unnoticed.