Engagement chicken is dumb. Right?
I mean, I think it’s staggeringly dumb to assume that if you cook a man a specific food he will propose. Maybe that’s because it always reminds me of a scene in Hysterical Blindness – a staggeringly depressing HBO movie – in which Uma Thurman begs her one night stand to come over and eat a filet mignon she will prepare, and then she spends the day cooking it and he stands her up. It’s awful.
So, I always think that women who believe things like this wear their hair like this:
So! That is why I never do anything but periodically hurl Chipotle wrappers at my gentlemen-friends.
But then I realized that I would probably marry, say, Wylie Dufresne if he cooked me anything, and I don’t find him terribly attractive. I would certainly marry someone who I found even remotely attractive who could make ortolan. 100%. Don’t care if they have any other character traits.
So I asked our man panel foods that a woman could make them that would cause them to propose. Here are their answers: