I have not slept in days; almost two weeks worth of sleepless nights to be exact. Last night I was up until 5am tossing and turning because without the relaxation of Xanax in my system, I just can’t sleep. It is physically impossible for me to sleep. The few hours I do get are riddled with nightmares and waking up over and over again feeling fearful that I’ve forgotten something, missed a deadline or even did or said something I shouldn’t have. The paranoia I’m experiencing, also a side effect of giving up Xanax, runs deep.
Then there are the headaches. I’m talking migraine quality headaches that, up until the other day, I didn’t even realize had anything to do with kicking the Xanax. I actually Googled if cigarette smoke could cause these headaches, because I was paranoid that my apartment smelled like smoke. I don’t smoke; I don’t allow people to smoke in my apartment, so, in reality, that was ridiculous. I’m trying to keep my Advil consumption to a minimum, because that shit destroys your liver. Fun times, yes? Don’t worry; I’m not done yet.
Also on the menu of Xanax withdrawal is dizziness, the feeling of vertigo and sweating. Do you know how confusing it is to sweat in 50-degree weather? Or to have vertigo when you’re just sitting on the couch? I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve pushed my head into the closest pillow and just screamed, because obviously, screaming at the top of your lungs is going to do wonders for raging headaches. The headaches that, mind you, are so intense on some days that I sit with my head hanging over the toilet hoping that I won’t throw up, but feeling that I absolutely will.