People still thought I was a bitch. Why? This time, it was because I was “so nice,” I seemed “fake.” My voice became higher pitched–it’s naturally quite low–and I would over-compliment those around me and I’d be so inclusive, I don’t doubt I seemed creepy. So people around me, many of whom had likely been led to believe in the aforementioned Bitch Theory, sort of thought I was either having a nervous breakdown and on drugs or was being disingenuous.
In a way, they were right: I was trying so hard to not project this supposed bitchiness in myself that everyone was aware of besides me, so I just pretended I felt happier and cheerier and overall more sweet than I actually felt. On the other hand, I mainly just wanted people to know I was a nice person, so perhaps I was genuine in some strange way? Either way, it was still a charade.
I could make my voice higher, my body language more open and my words absurdly friendly, but it wouldn’t be effective in my goal because on the scale of 1-10 of bad personality traits, “fakeness” is much worse than “bitchiness.” I think.
In any case, I’ve decided to stick with my original mannerisms and overall personality because, after all, if I’m going to come off as a bitch, I might as well be genuine about it. After all, that’s why there are tons of amazingly successful women portrayed as bitchy on television shows, right? Fuck it, I’d rather be Glenn Close in Damages than Regina George pre-bus accident.
Pics via Fragrantica, ABC, Lionstgate and Newline.