After losing his bid to run for president, Donald Trump has instead attempted to win the title of Biggest Asshole in America by blaming women for being stalked by photographers, getting mad about medical choices and, as of today, withholding $5 million from charity because he still wants to loudly ride on the Obama Birth Certificate Debacle train which nobody cares about anymore. It’s the equivalent of being served cupcakes and then, after everyone’s eaten theirs and is fine a week later, screaming about how they might not have been from the right bakery.
Mittens, on the other hand, seems to believe that he needs to obtain the Latino vote by getting himself a deep fake tan, as though all the Latinos in the country will collectively yell, “Ohhhh, he’s got more melanin? HE’S ONE OF US.”‘
Real talk: why are rich white guys making themselves look like even bigger idiots by using self tanner? This is ridiculous for at least three reasons:
- They are rich. Really rich (I guess). Rich people can afford expensive treatments. Getting a great spray isn’t even that expensive, so there’s no excuse for two of the richest men in the country to not call a professional who will at least get the skin around their eyes, for fuck’s sake.
- Being tanner doesn’t make you appeal to people more (this one leans more toward Mittens’ likely reasoning). Being an asshole to immigrants isn’t somehow forgotten once you’re tan. Being a nice, intelligent, well-spoken person makes you likable, not your number on the scale of pale to Snooki.
- Brownface is never a good idea. Ever.*