Anything can be considered art, even photographs of sand taken with an iPhone. Just print it on nice paper, give it a whimsical name, and you’re good to go. She did have an amzing body of work in her home, but it always mystified my that her current projects were all iPhone inspired.
Some people buy juicers to promote for themselves healthier lifestyles. Others buy them because vodka and Redbull can be considered breakfast if it is mixed with fresh pineapple juice. Every morning at 10am when I arrived, The Painter poured us both generous cups of “breakfast.”
Anything can be considered art, even photographs of sand taken with an iPhone. Just print it on nice paper, give it a whimsical name, and you’re good to go. She did have an amzing body of work in her home, but it always mystified my that her current projects were all iPhone inspired.
Some old people smoke pot, too, but they call it “The Grass.” “The Grass” is essential for learning how to bellydance. All I want to do when I smoke “The Grass” is sit on a chair and laugh, but it helped her “get in a zone” until the wee hours of the morning. “You really need to do this,” she’s assure me. “Men go crazy for that kind of thing in the bedroom.”
Old ladies do not have a gay-dar. Once The Painter and I went out to a bar together (no, this was sadly not during my work hours). She spent the whole time drinking White Russians and flirting with a couple of young Navy officers who were about my age. She frequently winked at me with a smile that said “These young guys love my elderly sex appeal.” I was later informed by one of their friends that these young men were gay. I never told her, and she consoled herself that they couldn’t return home with her because of their strict military schedule. I was just grateful she didn’t start belly dancing on the bar.
Apparently “these days, it’s cheaper to pay someone to roll your cigarettes than it is to buy packs. Especially if you use pipe tobacco, which is cheaper than regular tobacco.” (I still question if this one’s true, but I did learn how to roll cigarettes.)
It’s ok to lie about your age, even on government documents. But sometimes it’s good to be honest, like on Goodwill’s senior discount day.
“A good man is hard to find. A bad man is easy to blackmail.” This was her most earnest love advice. As a widow, she’d gotten into online dating, but hadn’t had much luck. She did have an old aquaintance, though, a friend of her deceased husband who was a famous executive. She frequently wrote threatening letters to this man, coupled with suggestive pictures of her in her belly-dancing getup, that I helped edit. They were never too coherent or specific, but every time she sent one, she’d receive a large check the next week. I need a man like that in my life.
Money can buy friendship. Or, at least, money can buy my friendship. I spent a lot of that year hanging out with The Painter. And we had a lot of fun talking, shopping, and listening to Edith Piaf. But I wouldn’t have done it for free!
