It’s time-honored ladymag fodder: at what point do you bite the bullet and introduce your bf/gf to mom and dad? Always impressively heteronormative, we decided to let Cosmo weigh in. They suggest: “Meeting your mom is great, because it’s typically an easy way to score points. Your boyfriend knows that as long as he speaks highly of you, asks her questions, and doesn’t accidentally use her drapes as a hand towel, Mom will probably like him. Fathers, however, are another matter. Your dad is a dude and has had sex at least once, which means he knows the kinds of things your boyfriend thinks about and the kinds of things you do with your boyfriend—and your boyfriend knows that your dad knows these things. The result is at least slight discomfort and at worst naked terror, no matter how cool or laid back Dad is. So when they first meet, try not to leave them alone together for any longer than it takes you to pee.” Well, that illuminated nothing. Here are some actual thoughts:
Jennifer: So! When should your significant other meet your parents? I say, when they’re a significant other. And not an insignificant meat-bag.
Ashley: WHY DO YOU ASK JEN
Jennifer: NO REASON MEAT POCKET.
Ashley: Um. Well, to be honest with you, I feel like whenever I encounter the “When should you introduce your SO to your parents?” question, I feel like there’s only one respectable answer is, which is, “Uh. Every relationship is different? I want to say six months or something, but that’s pretty arbitrary, ultimately. So, like, at least two weeks? At least, I think. But it’s possible. Maybe. At least that much time.” But you know, that’s not a very good headline and it certainly doesn’t fit into a slideshow.
Jennifer: Really? Two weeks? DO YOU LOVE PAIN? I’d put it at more the six month mark.
Ashley: I wasn’t suggesting two weeks, I was saying that declaring any amount of time is arbitrary and every relationship is different. Some people get married after two weeks! I don’t think it’s a good idea, per se, but I can’t just claim it’s a fundamentally horrible decision.
Jennifer: No, they’re not. They’re not arbitrary. 6 months.
Ashley: Okay, fine. I’ll say, in my experience as a dating adult (as opposed to a teenager), it’s usually been about six months, but that’s because I live 3000 miles away from my parents.
Jennifer: Nobody is different, everybody is hive mind.
Ashley: You asshole.
Jennifer: You think you’re a snowflake but you’re an iron filing.