• Sun, Oct 28 2012

Gallery: The Pros And Cons Of Being ‘One Of The Guys’

I’m not sure if I’m “one of the guys.” I think it depends on the situation. I wear heels most of the time, don’t know shit about sports (or other stereotypical “guy” things), and I have more female friends than male ones.

A few months ago Lindsay Cross had her take on what she constitutes a woman who’s “one of the guys.” According to her, “You want to know what makes a person one of the guys? Having a penis. That’s what does it.” This caused commenters to respond in both agreement with what she had to say and against her ideas on the topic.

I’m not sure what’s so wrong with being “one of the guys,” but I’m also the same person who has always regarded herself as a “tomboy” — another term with which some women have an issue. It’s a term that I don’t see as being negative in the least, and one that I’ll probably use until I die. I’m not into labels, but this is one I use for myself, and I don’t see what the big deal is.

Although I may have defined myself as “one of the guys” in college, I’ve since lifted the term. Not because I’m against it, but I’m just not anymore. I wear lipstick, dammit! (See? Stereotype!)

However, there are many women I know who staunchly regard themselves as “one of the guys.” Not only that, but they pride themselves on it. Cool. Good for them. Internet high-five coming at them, too. But with any label, term, stereotype or definition, if that’s how you do live your life there are always pros and cons of pigeonholing yourself. That’s just how life rolls, so you better get used to it.


Photo: Will Bullas

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  • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

    I agree with all of these. I have definitely encountered these pros/cons… I think the worst con has to be the issue of “keep up”. My stomach never seems to forgive me…

    But there’s one con that comes up, for me anyway, and that is the issue of the “girlfriend”. For, me anyway, I’ve found, that try as I might, I can never be friends with my guy friend’s girlfriends. And then I end up loosing guy friends, sometimes temporarily, sometimes not, because their lady friends don’t like me. Girlfriend drama sucks.

    • paperraincoat

      I have pretty much always been a ‘one of the guys’ kind of girl, and
      most of my guy friends are also guys’ guys. The girlfriend drama is
      something I’d managed to avoid for many years until recently. Suddenly,
      in the past year it’s bitten me twice. The first we got over; the second
      has led to the complete dissolution of a very very close friendship
      with someone I care for dearly. It sucks. In one more friendship it
      hasn’t caused real problems, but I can still tell she Does Not like me. I
      only recently realized the big difference with these three guys
      compared to the rest of my guy friends over the years who have not had
      girlfriend drama: all three have, besides me, exclusively male close
      friends. I guess I can understand that freaking out their girlfriends a little more, but I still think it’s unwarranted.
      Especially since I am not exactly stunningly attractive, but I have
      been in a very happy relationship with a very attractive guy [more so
      than any of the the aforementioned friends, though I'll also admit none
      of them are slouches in the looks department either] for over three years.
      And he and I live together and we rent a room from his mom and bought a
      truck together and have family stick figure stickers of us and our cats
      on our rear windshields because we are THAT dorky. I feel like these
      are all signs of a pretty committed stable relationship and should make
      me seem non-threatening, but apparently these girls do not entirely

    • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

      I seriously don’t know what it is. I had one girl friend of a close male friend of mine(she is now an ex) tell me that she was scared to meet me because of the way my friend talked about me, but I think she was just trying to brown nose because she later revealed herself to be a crazy manipulator. I have also had friends who start dating each other, and then the female half of the relationship starts suddenly giving me the cold sholder/glaring at me everytime I talk to the guy that was previously a mutual friend.
      I can’t think it’s jealousy, because, while I believe in my own attractiveness, I would hardly consider myself “hot” or my looks to be on any sort of man-stealing/distracting level.

  • Lastango

    A few more (about men, not twerpy metroboys):
    Con: you can not talk about personal stuff.
    Pro: you do not have to talk about personal stuff – yours or theirs. They won’t even notice if you don’t.
    C: you can’t borrow girl stuff.
    P: you can borrow guy stuff – tools, camping gear, parka that is actually warm, kayak, big T-shirts. Their cameras are good. Yes, they have jumper cables.
    C: they can be overly-helpful, trying to impress you when you wish they wouldn’t.
    P: they are naturally generous. If you ask a favor they won’t do the math, or look at you like you’re trying to take something away from them.
    C: you have to let them know you are coming over, so they can clean the bathroom before you get there.
    P: they don’t care if your place isn’t spotless.
    C: they sometimes whine about women.
    P: you don’t have to listen to them whine about men.
    C: they’re happier if they’re the one driving.
    P: they will drive – in silence. You can do your email.
    C: there’s nothing in the fridge.
    P: if you cook them a hot meal they will NEVER forget it.
    C: they do not “get” you.
    P: to them you are a strange, magical creature.