Conversations At The Romney Campaign Headquarters

More pushups

“I could do more pushups.”

“Ryan, I appreciate that, but I really don’t think pushups will help at this point.”

“Pushups always help.”

“I think it would be more helpful – right now – to me – if we could turn our attention back to the Ohio problem -”



“Pushups always help.”

A sigh. “No – of course. I didn’t mean to make it sounds like I don’t value how well you can do pushups.”

“Well, that’s how it sounded to me.”

“I’m very…I’m very sorry that that’s how it sounded. Now, does anybody have any -”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Pushups elevate your heart rate. They strengthen the core. They increase stamina.”

“That’s absolutely true.”

“I think everyone would be better off if they did more pushups.”

“You’re probably right. Now, does anyone have any idea whether Chris Christie’s going to be giving any more interviews this week?”

“I could arm wrestle him.”

“Thank you, Ryan.”

“I could, you know.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“I bet I could arm wrestle any governor, any state, and win. I bet I could wrestle them all in a row and still win.”

“Ryan, do you have a project or a – is there something you want to work on right now while we finish our talk?”

“Okay, good. Good. Yeah, I do, actually, and I’m almost finished. Hang on.”

“Jesus Christ, Ryan. Are those…are those my kids’ photo albums?”

“They’re our photo albums. I’m in them too. See? There’s me. And there’s me. There’s me again, but this time I’m waving.”

“You’re…you’re in every one of these.”

“I’m waving at you!”

“Why are you in Tagg’s baby pictures?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“How much time…how long have you been working on these, Ryan?”

“Well, the Secret Service agents wouldn’t let me touch anything before the nomination in August. So August.”

“Oh, my God.”

“I won’t be ignored, you know.”

“Oh, my God.”

[Image via Flickr]

Share This Post:
    • Lastango

      Save the scoffy goofing for Wednesday. If Obama loses, you’re going to look like one of the many folks who fiddled, playing with Big Bird while the swing states burned.

      • mallelis

        But if they win, I get to do this for FOUR MORE YEARS. Do you have any idea how many scenes from Fatal Attraction I could reimagine?

    • Sid Row

      Playing Hopscotch on Sesame Street While the World Burned

    • sarah

      LOVE these, best part of the election

    • Em

      Awesome. That is all.