• Mon, Nov 5 2012

Sex And The City Ruins Women’s Lives

sex and the city

You know, Sex and the City mostly taught me that it was okay to make jokes about sex and how to properly pronounce Manolo Blahnik, but, also, it maybe ruined my life.

And the lives of women everywhere? There’s an article on The Daily Mail called “The Lonely Legacy of My Sex And The City Lifestyle” which states:

I was part of the Sex And The City generation — successful, feisty women who made their own money, answered to no one and lived life to the full.

When it came to men, our attitude to them was the same as it was towards the latest must-have handbag: only the best would do, no compromises should be made, and even then it would be quickly tired of and cast aside.

What none of us spent too long thinking about in our 20s and 30s was how our lifestyles would impact on us once we reached middle-age, when we didn’t want to go out and get sozzled on cocktails and had replaced our stilettos and skinny jeans with flat shoes and elasticated waists.

When I look around at all my single friends — and there are a lot of them — not one of them is truly happy being on her own. Suddenly, all those women we pitied for giving up their freedom for marriage and children are the ones feeling sorry for us.

None of them are happy? Really? Well, that might be true, but I’m not sure that married people are necessarily happy 100% of the time, either.

The author explains:

On more than one occasion, I’ve found myself thinking that perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad, after all, to have someone to cook for, discuss the plot of Homeland with, or just offload to after a particularly bad day.

Lady. You do not need a husband for that. It sounds like you’d like a roommate. They are easy to find.

In an uncharacteristic moment I’m going to stick up for Sex and the City and say that they did an episode of Sex and the City wherein they talked about how every few years women’s lifestyles are going to leave them forever alone. You’re probably not going to be left alone forever. Everything is going to be fine. Wear shoes that you like wearing. Discussion over.

Picture via Sex and the City

 

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  • Jade

    ugh, the whole point of SATC was that they were SINGLE in their 40s, that Daily Mail writer should get a clue

  • JennyWren

    I really didn’t care for SATC, though I used to watch it with friends quite a bit. I thought the writing was bad and it was repetitive and banal. BUT the women in it certainly didn’t have the attitude that only the best man would do- they went on TONNES of dates with a lot of very different men. Some of their relationships were complex and finished sadly, some were short and sweet, and some were just bizarre. That pretty much reflects the dating life of most single women in their thirties/forties that I know, and most of the men, too. Nor did they aim to be alone- Charlotte basically spent the entire run looking for a husband. The point of the show overwhelmingly seemed to be that being in a relationship is nice, but because things don’t always work out for various reasons you should probably have friends and a life that don’t depend entirely the man you’re currently with. Why is this such an extreme point of view?

  • Sabrina

    There are a lot of things you can do in this world that have nothing to do with marriage… right? Like if you have a lot of free time on the weekends, you can volunteer somewhere. Or travel. Or spend time with your friends. Or exercise. Or wear heels. Or go on a date just for fun. Or make dinner for your neighbor. Or, I don’t know… keep on living past the age of 40?

  • Topf

    WTH, how sad is that? A lot of people do hate to be alone but the solution is not to go be with anyone you can cook to. It’s good to have standards and if you end up alone, your self-esteem should be good enough to be ok with that. WTH. Which sad person wrote that article?

  • Lastango

    Whistling past the graveyard?

    Journalist Kate Bolick wrote in The Atlantic about how she broke off a three-year relationship with a man she described as “intelligent, good-looking, loyal and kind”. She admits there was no good reason, but she was convinced something was missing in the relationship. That was 11 years ago. She is 39 now, and facing grim choices. “We arrived at the top of the staircase,” Bolick wrote, “finally ready to start our lives, only to discover a cavernous room at the tail end of a party, most of the men gone already, some having never shown up — and those who remain are leering by the cheese table, or are, you know, the ones you don’t want to go out with.”
    ======
    Here’s a snip from the web:
    “Penny acknowledges part of the problem is her own expectations – that her generation of women was brought up wanting too much. “We were told we were special, we could do anything and the world was our oyster.” And having spent her 20s dating alpha males, she expected them to be still around when she finally decided to get serious. But these men go fast, many fishing outside their pond… “I can’t believe how many men my age are interested only in younger women,” wails Gail, a 34-year-old advertising executive as she describes her first search through men’s profiles on the RSVP internet dating site. She is shocked to find many mid-30s men have set up their profiles to refuse mail from women their own age.
    ======
    Author Lori Gottlieb recorded the comments of someone who delayed until her own “market value had dropped through the floor”: “Maybe we need to get over ourselves.
    Our generation of women is constantly told to have high self-esteem, but it seems the women themselves are at risk of ego-tripping themselves out of a romantic connection.” She acknowledges she made the mistake of not looking for someone when she was in her 20s, when she was at her most desirable. She advises thirtysomething women to look for Mr. Good Enough before they have even less choice. “They are with an 8, but they want a 10. but suddenly they’re 40 and can only get a 5!”
    ======
    Anyway, all that gives the general idea. There’s real problem here, and the ongoing, self-congratulatory, chest-thumping celebration of pretending it ain’t so is a big part of how it came into being in the first place.