• Mon, Nov 12 2012

Ugh, Facebook Couples Pages Are Here

facebook couples page

I want to vomit. I’m not even alone in this. Couples Facebook pages make reporters at The Telegraph want to vomit, too. But WHY do I want to vomit?

Probably in part because I hate anything that is cute. Probably partly because of that.

And, I guess it’s because I believe you are still individual identities, even when you’re in a relationship. You’re perfectly capable of sharing pictures of yourself and your partner without needing to combine your entire identities onto one page. I don’t view this as necessary to begin with. Basically, I do not think that being a couple turns you into a stick figure with a hybrid thought process (perhaps because, terrifyingly, your brain has become a heart). I don’t think that’s science.

And I guess I also don’t want a record of my relationship compiled and recorded by Facebook executives. Really. That seems like a terrible idea. I mean, it’s terrible enough just saying you’re in a relationship with someone on Facebook because all your friends know the minute you break-up – when you break up, where does the Facebook couple’s page go? That is going to be like a knife right in your heart-brain.

Although, maybe you do not hate it as much as I do, because your heart is large and pink, like a watermelon, and not tiny and shriveled and dark like a very delicious raisinette. If that’s the case, and you’re in a relationship, good news! A couples Facebook page has already been created for you. To check it out, visit www.facebook.com/us . I am going to be off in the corner of the Internet, attempting to keep my heart inside my chest, where it functions best.

Picture via Facebook

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  • Leila

    Oh god, I knew someone who got married right out of college and they combined their facebook pages into one. ew ew ew. You are separate people still! Apparently FB is onto this trend…

    • BuickMacKane

      boo! My husband and I did that! ..but it was because we didn’t care enough to maintain separate pages…

    • DebMoore

      Same here! 1. I am too lazy to make my own page 2. I don’t care that much 3. My husband and I went to the same private Jr High & High School (we hooked up several years later) and know all the same people/teachers and it’s fun to see how people are surprised we are together. To me I didn’t see a point in bascailly having 2 pages when one suits us just fine.

  • Cee

    I think Facebook couple pages stem from an ugly fight starting with the phrase “who’s that bitch/asshole commenting on your status more than once.” Basically, they are a way of saying someone in the relationship has crazy trust issues.

  • Fabel

    Wait, but isn’t this basically “see friendship”? When I click “see friendship” with anyone I’ve even had the slightest Facebook interaction with, it compiles everything into one page.

    • CC

      Yeah, not seeing what the big deal is – it’s just your friendship page with whoever you’re in a relationship with at a cheesy URL. and since i’m listed as married to a friend of mine (instead of whatever stupid guy i’m dating), it’s actually pretty nice to see.

  • Andrea

    I thought it was a WHOLE new thing, but it isn’t. It’s the same thing that’s been there forever when you click on “see friendship”. Basically anything (pics, posts, etc) that’s tagged with the both of you. You have the same thing with any of your FB friendships. Nothing new, just a re-name.

  • Macaboo

    I like the tiny little penis on the “man” in the relationship… hi heteronormativity!

    • Cate

      Gross, you’re right!

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      LOL.

  • anna

    does this keep track of former realtionships? because that could be intresting

    • sabrina

      IVE ALWAYS WANTED THIS ON FACEBOOK!

  • Lerie

    Haha! Nice mention on CNN’s website, Jennifer. I first read about the couples pages here yesterday, and then noticed just now that there is an article about it on CNN where you are quoted as wanting to vomit. Too funny.

    • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

      I am proud to be a bitter, retching hag.

  • Michelle

    Are you serious? I just checked my Facebook Couples page and it is EXACTLY the same thing as the “See Friendship” option. The only difference is the cutesy URL. I can’t believe people are making such a big deal about this. Settle down. Facebook doesn’t matter this much.

  • Ving

    You seem out of touch. This has been available for about 2 years or so? It was “See Friendship” Nothing new. What you are saying is nothing new either. Just another person out of touch of what has already been available and just now getting on the bandwagon.

  • joecassara

    Jesus Christ. Go kill yourself; problem solved for all parties.

  • http://www.socialnerdia.com/ Esteban Contreras

    What a weird point of view you have…

  • Rainey L

    The only people with FB couples pages (have both names as ONE name) are couples where one of them has cheated and the other has them on a short leash.