Red Carpet Rundown: The Many Fashion Disasters Of The Twilight Premiere

It’s time for the final installment of Twilight and everyone to move on from this mess. Here’s the cast–including Kristen Stewart, Kristen Stewart’s Ass, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Ashley Greene, Dakota Fanning and many more–looking fancy and wistful in their shiny neutral finest on the red carpet last night. Also, was there a single (completely) successful look in the whole bunch?

As you may already know, Kristen Stewart wore sheer Zuhair Murad. We’re not crazy about the hair, but everything else is working for us.

…Then again:

There is the small matter of its complete sheerness. If you’re offended by butts, this is probably not the look for you. If you’re pro-visible-butt, you’re probably pretty pleased with it.

Next, Robert Pattinson, who managed to tame his hair for the red black carpet. He wore a textured green Gucci suit.

Taylor Lautner does the Tilt (the male version of the empty stomach pose) in Z Zegna. Male red carpet dressing is so boring. Like Carrie Underwood-levels of boring.

Nikki Reed wore Versace. Though we think her makeup is quite lovely–and calls attention to her awesome brows–we have strong dislike feelings for the listless gray column. It looks like Donatella Versace got bored and scattered some of her Coke Zero can tabs across a roll of raw fabric.

Dakota Fanning wore Elie Saab, safe choice of many for red carpet dressing. In our opinion, the dress, the makeup, the hair are all wrong.

Younger sister Elle Fanning fared much weirder in Prada and about as successful.

As if the black carpet weren’t already teetering on tragedy, Julianne Hough showed up! This is par for the course with Hough: questionable faux-edgy hair, too much embellishment, incoherent detailing. Oh, and visible bra. The dress is Kaufmanfranco.

Speaking of tragic, Ashley Tisdale would show up in a micro-mini and Louboutins to the opening of a Macaroni Grill if they invited her.

Thank god Kiernan Shipka dropped by looking super cute. We’re not usually a fan of the “pop-of-color” move–especially on shoes–but we like her fresh LDB enough to overlook it.

…And also, has she always been a dead ringer for Emma Watson? Has everyone else noticed this but us?

Ashley Greene wore Donna Karan. The dress, the jewelry, the hair, the makeup–the whole thing feels very standard.

The architect of this several-year nightmare, Stephenie Meyer, decided to take the paranormal romance thing a step further and just become a damn mermaid.

We don’t really believe there’s a person in the world who thinks Teresa Palmer‘s dress is a good idea. Not even Teresa Palmer.

Oh, and Shar Jackson was there! Remember her? No?

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    • Fabelle

      I like this new scroll-y down layout, but it does highlight how disabled I am at correctly identifying people. “Charlize Theron looks kinda different…oh.” “Why was Hayden Panettiere at– oh, nevermind.”

      But okay, Dakota Fanning is legitimately unrecognizable as a brunette, right?? OMG.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        I’m tinkering with the layout a bit–I think it’s vastly better than slideshows for red carpet (you can actually see the dress!) but are you saying you need names over pictures and commentary under them?

        Also: unrecognizable! Utterly.

      • Fabele

        Oh, no! I think having everything (comments, names) under each photo is perfectly clear (& wayyy better than the slideshow format). My multiple moments of surprise as I rolled the mouse wheel down just really solidified how bad I am at identifying celebrities (but it was a fun game!)

        Glad Dakota Fanning is for-real unrecognizable though. That one blew my mind.

    • Andrea

      I saw a few shots of the premiere earlier and I had NO IDEA that was Dakota Fanning!

    • http://www.facebook.com/karen.valdivia Karen Valdivia

      The only dress i think is pretty is Ashley’s…. Pretty but kinda boring. I really like Teresa Palmer’s hair and make up. Besides that there’s not a single tasty piece of clothing or make up to help this mess

      • http://www.facebook.com/karen.valdivia Karen Valdivia

        And when i saw Kiernan Shipka i thought a 12 years old Emma Watson’s pic had made it’s way to this gallery

    • Amy

      I’m worried about Ellen Fanning. No one in their right mind wears shoes like that.

      And I can’t wait for Twihard to be over so I never have to look at f-ing Kirsten Stewart and her ‘I’m-going-to-be-as-deliberately-stupid-as-I-possibly-can’ approach to life again.

      • mm

        You made me lol, I felt the same way when I saw those shoes. I just thought to myself, wait I thought flatforms are over?? BOWS?? Multiple levels and weirdness and colors? Then a tear rolled down my cheek and I had to scroll away so as not to have a full-on panic attack.

    • Jamie

      I really like the new scroll down format. Thanks for tinkering with it!