Famous Millionaire Guy Fieri Defends Self Against Mean World, Wealthy Liberal Elites At The Times

Had to eat Joe Simpson for this shirt.

Tuesday, New York Times food critic Pete Wells ripped another asshole in the many assholes of the giant 500-seat distended anus that is Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar, the first New York City restaurant venture from celebrity chef and human version of an Ed Hardy shirt, Guy Fieri. Wells’ review appears in the form of a series of questions, wondering why the mixed drinks taste like formaldehyde and why the toasted marshmallows taste like fish, then listing multiple service errors and even accusing Fieri of having the almost-impressive incompetence to fuck up nachos (How??). People who follow New York dining kind of met the review with a collective shrug because obviously Guy Fieri’s giant merchandise-and-donkey-sauce-slathered butthole in Times Square is nothing more than a deeply cynical tourist trap and the Times probably shouldn’t have bothered.

…But then, as the day wore on, a curious thing happened! Many people came to Fieri’s defense on Twitter and suddenly a weird made-up counter-narrative emerged: Pete Wells–mouthpiece of the elitist liberal media–doesn’t understand down-home foods like burgers and fries and sashimi tacos. No, it’s not that Fieri’s restaurant serves pretzel-crusted Buffalo’ed dogshit with volcano mayo and kickin’ kung pao queso fresco–it’s actually an issue of classism. Nevermind that Guy’s American Kitchen sells $31 entrees. Nevermind that Fieri is a millionaire with eight restaurants. No, the Times staff is a bunch of caviar-gloming eggheads who don’t know how to unwind.

Which brings us to today: in which Guy Fieri, the tenth highest paid chef in America, goes on television to push this abruptly-constructed false narrative that he’s just a regular guy who loves to eat and it’s not his fault he’s too real for New York:

The California-based Fieri — who must appreciate all the free publicity — tells Savannah Guthrie of the “Today” show that Wells went “overboard” and had a “different agenda” in reviewing his 2-month-old restaurant, his first in New York. “It’s a great way to make a name for yourself, go after a celebrity chef who is not a New Yorker … I’ve been in the restaurant business 25 years. Do we do it perfect? No. Do we strive to do it perfect? Yes.”

Calling the eatery his heart and soul, Fieri told Guthrie to give him a little more time. “Let’s see where it is in six months.”

Wow. We know this is a fashion and beauty site, but we fucking love hubris, too and this kind of takes the porkbelly meatloaf slider cake for hubris. Additionally, implying that Wells is trying to “make a name for himself” by picking on Fieri is pretty rich, what with Wells having already attained the single most desirable occupation for a food critic in the nation.

Anyway, if you’d like to see a super rich man with terrible taste complain about getting picked on by pompous East Coast elites, you can watch the video of Guy on Today here.

Or, you can visit Fieri’s Facebook to read praise from his fans.

(Photo via Wenn)

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    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      “Let’s see where it is in 6 months.” Yeah, because it’s totally normal to let your restaurant suck for the better part of a year and have it survive anyway. That has nothing to do with being a glorified line cook and commentator whose restaurant’s survival hinges solely on his undeserving celebrity status.

    • Jeremy Norton

      I think Guy Fieri doesn’t deserve the comments made by
      wells. He won’t be the tenth highest paid chef in America if he was a bad cook.
      Wells would do anything to make a name for

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        This is what’s called a “bandwagon fallacy.”

      • Larissa

        Also, he’s not really that much of a chef. He’s a television personality. That proves that the Food Network and much of their viewership has terrible taste. But it does not prove that the man is a great “chef”.

      • Larissa

        Also, Wells already made a name for himself. He’s a food critic at the New York Times, a HUGE deal in and of itself.

      • delinquent

        A successful critic is a critic. A successful cook is a cook.

      • Amanda Chatel

        And he actually refers to himself as a “celebrity chef,” — two words that when back-to-back are just as ridiculous as his hair.

      • Em

        I hope you’re including his facial hair, there, too. What IS that? The weird little ends on either side of his chin make it look like he’s growing a chin-stache, as well as the more common, upper lip variant. And the little bleached patch in the middle? Wtf? I guess if you have to keep putting peroxide on your little beard tuft, and wrapping it in foil, you don’t have time to actually cook, let alone supervise your restaurant. Maybe Wells should have cut him some slack after all…. ;-)

      • Amanda Chatel

        Em, I definitely meant ALL his hair… every damn strand everywhere. Gross.

      • Em

        Oh no oh no oh no!!! I’m now picturing every damn strand every damn where, and I’m going to have to bleach my brain. Why am I cursed with the mind of a 15 year old boy?

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        lol, Amanda

      • Kristina

        Seconding Ashley and adding in that Guy doesn’t cook at his own restaurant. He may have come up with the dishes and recipes but he’s definitely not in the back sweating his butt off in the kitchen perfecting each dish while simultaneously trying to get it out on time.

        Also, pretty sure as this article points out, Wells has already made a name for himself in the food critic arena.

      • ishmael2009

        Lmao off @”bandwagon fallacy”. And here was me thinking “bandwagon” was a metaphor, not a fallacy.

      • Nancy

        They’re different concepts. She didn’t make a mistake, look it up

      • Em


      • Jessie

        Since when is a celebs salary directly proportional to talent or skills?

    • Lindsay

      Ashley; The “human version of an Ed Hardy shirt” comment killed me. I’m dead. This whole article is perfect. Bravo!

    • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

      He had a “different agenda?” As though the New York Times was some podunk paper and Wells was just a young kid trying to make a name for himself? What was his agenda?

      • Amanda Chatel

        Considering the amount of times he said “different agenda” or just “agenda” in that interview, I don’t think he even knows what the words means. He just likes the sound of it, or rather the sound of his own voice saying it.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        It’s like the letters are covered in donkey sauce!

      • Amanda Chatel

        I’m not even going to say what my mind pictures every time I hear about that donkey sauce. But I promise you, it’s not pretty — and it’s brown — and really chunky.

      • http://twitter.com/keanesian Meghan Keane

        I really don’t appreciate the agenda of this comment thread.

    • msenesac

      What a douche

    • Sam

      Pete Wells has apparently taken over the role of Amanda Hessler. the culinary elitist who attempted to savaged another commoner, Emeril Lagasse, a decade ago.

    • Stella L.

      Wells comes across as sort of snobby in his review, but you know what? Fieri is such a tool that the situation calls for snobbery.

    • ndonnelly

      Fabulous piece of writing!