• Fri, Nov 16 2012

How Not To Lose Your Sh*t During This Thanksgiving Holiday

Seriously.

We’ve already covered what you can expect to discuss (argue over) at the Thanksgiving table, the epic lies to tell your former classmates, but what about just dealing with it in general? Dealing and making it through the holiday in one piece is far more important than anything else. You do, after all, have a life to get back to when all this is said and done. So how does one cope as an adult who’s been out on their own for at least a couple years?

Well, you can drink, of course, but is there really enough alcohol out there to quell any possible pain that might come with all that time spent with your family? Is it fair to do that to your liver? No. Your liver loves you, so you can’t rely on the sauce forever. You have to, unfortunately, try other methods.

Laugh. Apparently, laughing is good for not just the soul, but the muscles in your body. It’s also a great way to deflect from any deeper issues.

Ignore. When I’m at my parents’ house they actually put my former curfew in place: 1145pm. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to tell them that I don’t even leave my apartment most nights until midnight, they still like to have control. So I ignore them. You can’t ground a woman in her early 30′s forever, and if you do get sent to your room, you have an iPhone to keep you entertained.

Make a scene. Whether it’s a happy scene or an angry scene, it at least changes the tide of whatever the situation is at that moment. It also reminds your parents how fun you are, because scenes are always fun!

Bring up the good old days. Remember them? Back when you were young and sweet and pretty much incapable of losing your shit because you didn’t know any better? Those were the times. Relive them for the sake of your own sanity.

Walk away. No one wants to chase after you mid-turkey wing, so you might as well embrace this maneuver. And NO, it’s not childish, I don’t care what my mother might try to convince you in the comment section.

Phone home. Call your friends and have a bitch fest. Even if they’re not at their parents’ house this particular holiday, they’ve been there before so they’ll understand all your griping. It worked for ET, so it will work for you. Everyone likes ET because his heart glowed with love. Awww.

Send yourself to your room. If you’re lucky, your parents probably still have your room exactly how you left it. Do you know how much contemplating about your life you can do in there? A lot. Just don’t be surprised if you cry a bit. Even if your life is perfect, crying is inevitable after quality time alone — no matter where you are in the world.

Drink. OK. A glass or two of whatever is on tap won’t kill you, so do it.

Be rational. You could actually do this thing that I’ve heard about where people face issues head-on and come out the other side better people. You could try that! It might even reflect some level of maturity.

Sit at the kids’ table. Nothing ever goes wrong at the kids’ table. And if something does, you know it’s going to be over something regarding My Little Pony or Fraggle Rock — or not? Shit. I think I just dated myself.

Accept. Acceptance is, apparently, the key to life. So as you watch the drama, mayhem and everything in between fall apart all around you, if you can accept it then you’re golden. I don’t know who said that, but I read it in book somewhere and it made sense, but mostly because I was home for the holidays and had already had four glasses of wine.

 

Photo: Someecards

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  • Sean

    #10 Deflect. Sure you’re not married, and you’re going to get the typical “so when are you getting married?” question, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself by pointing out the failures (bickering/emotional distance/affair) in your cousin’s marriage, or maybe the fact your parents are divorced. Pointing out the flaws in someone else’s logic to your own witty avail is always boss.

    Then again, a combination of the kid’s table (kids have the most awesome conversations) and playing with your old toys in your old room is always boss too.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

    I REFUSE TO BELIEVE WHISKEY CANNOT SOLVE EVERYTHING. Also, given my family’s long history of fighting on holidays, I think these may come in handy…

    • Amanda Chatel

      Agreed. I’m gonna flask-it this year.