• Mon, Nov 19 2012

Harlotry: The Most Disgusting Words Favored By Phone Sex Callers

There are a number of words I find unpleasant. There are the standards, the words most everyone hates–moist, panties–but there are others; ‘pussy,’ ‘suckle,’ and ‘juicy’ being the worst offenders. Phone sex meant hearing all of those words (except ‘moist’) on a regular basis. It’s hard to say what the worst part of the job was, but the words were certainly the most grating.

I had a caller, Jim, who loved the word ‘suckle.’ He was, in some ways, the best kind of caller. He directed the whole thing, I hardly had to speak at all, I could sit back, watch a movie (the sound turned down to a murmur) and give an occasional moan while Jim went on and on. In other ways, in suckling ways, Jim was the worst kind of caller. He would go into great detail about how he wanted to suckle everything. He wanted to suckle my lips, down my neck, my nipples, my clit. He would repeat the word over and over again, suckle, suckle, suckle. It’s a wet word, ‘suckle’, a sloppy word.

How could anyone find such a word sexy? It’s the auditory equivalent of being attacked with a bucket of pond scum, but Jim loved it. Perhaps he thought it sounded romantic, chivalrous. While he may have just been a control freak, there was something about the way Jim said everything in this contrived Barry White voice that made me think he actually thought I was gleaning some pleasure from the encounter. Maybe by using the word ‘suckle’ Jim thought he would make me feel as if I had been transported into some awful bodice ripper. It did not work. I would sit on my couch in disgust, hoping he would finish soon, cringing slightly at every ‘suckle’.

My one consolation was that Jim called my Russian line. The persona I called Sonia was very popular, I have mentioned before that she was beautiful, but it cannot be overstated. She looked like some exquisitely tattooed pre-Raphaelite painting. It might have just been the soft focus of the camera, but she glowed. She was my favorite. There was something wonderful about pretending, if just for a moment, to be this absurdly beautiful person. In addition to this, I could have fun with my screams of make-believe ecstasy. My friend Jenni had recently started learning Russian and had obligingly provided me with a series of entirely nonsexual phrases to scream out in the throes of my orgasmic performances.

I had to be careful. If I detected the slightest hint of an Eastern European accent, I would keep it at moans and go no further. But everyone else was treated to moaned exclamations about how there was a map on the wall, how I respected their point of view but was forced to disagree with them, how the jug was sitting on the table, etc. Jim assaulted me with his suckling; I mocked him with my ordinary events described in Russian.

From Our Partners

Share This Post:
  • Lo

    I’ve never cared much for the word ‘panties’. I’m in the UK, where pants are the things worn under trousers, so to me ‘panties’ seems like the little-girl version of ‘pants.’ (Mystery solved, I guess).

    Anyway, the sexiest word is obviously ‘masturbate’.

    • Cate

      OBVIOUSLY! There is no sexier word. there has never been a sexier word. We should throw an internet party for the word ‘masturbate’ and invite Fatty Arbuckle’s long lost grand son.

      But that aside, you guys have a good thing going with your names for stuff. I mean, pants and knickers is great with me! And I’d much rather hold a torch than a flashlight. If I am holding a torch I can pretend I am Indiana Jones.

    • Lo

      I’m pretty sure someone’s already made Indiana Jones and the Panty Raiders of the Lost Ark.

    • PlanetCharnBaby

      Maybe I need to move to the UK then, because some people will just not stop saying it over here, no matter how much it makes them sound like a pedophile.

  • Nat

    Argh. I hate the word panties. It just feels scummy and when a man says it I actually shudder. I much prefer underwear, thong, briefs, or anything else really. Panties reminds me of ‘panty raids’ and how completely disgusting it is that a man would want to hold onto your underwear and… sniff it? That’s disgusting. I would never want to smell something that has that close contact with a human, especially when they are walking around all day. Ew. Just Ew.

  • Breezy

    My life long goal is to replace “panties” with “underpants.” Underpants is the only word that doesn’t sound completely ridiculous to me– “underwear” makes me feel like a hillbilly and “panties” are what creepy old men buy bags of on eBay. Eww.

    Also Prince is the only person that doesn’t make me uncomfortable when he says “pussy.”

  • DreaTheGreat

    Dear Cathryn, I cannot express to you how much I love I have for your objectiveness which brings bouts of laughter to my life

  • Richard Fondler

    For a dial-a-whore, you sure are one prissy bitch. You should probably just agree to take off your panties and let jim suckle your moist pussy.

  • WTF?

    The average woman is 5’4″, so I’m not sure why 5’4″ to 5’6″ would be considered short. Whereas 5’10″ is objectively tall for a woman. I’m sorry you think average women are “tiny and pliable”, but I think the burden of that one is on you…

  • jack_sprat2

    A few random thoughts:

    Who were your gentlemen callers? Why were they choosing to spend their money with you? Were they all pervs who were just filling the odd moment? Truly deranged men who sought to torment or mortify you? Or, were most of them, as I suspect, merely desperately lonely men who either had no better alternative to assuage that loneliness, or simply couldn’t see their way to it?

    If the latter were true, then would that fact in any way even interest you? Would it deepen your contempt for them, or ameliorate it? Would you feel yourself more or less justified in making sport, however lightly, of them?

    There is much which we shall never know about those men who helped put food on your table, but you have certainly revealed something of yourself to us. Please, continue, only delve more deeply into your inner landscape. After all, we, too, are helping put clothes on your children’s backs.

    • http://www.facebook.com/maria.jose.eyzaguirre Maria Jose Eyzaguirre

      To be fair, she’s talked a lot about her thoughts on these “gentlemen callers” and even sympathized with them on other posts. She doesn’t have to deliver the whole spiel about all of the complexities of the emotions and thoughts involved with this type of job in every single post she writes, since it is, after all, a series.

  • Jenny

    Thank you! I hate the word “panties” too. I can’t even seem to say it with a straight face. I prefer “underpants” and am teased mercilessly by one of my friends.

    I suppose I could start using “knickers” and really throw her for a loop.

  • Sarah

    It’s almost comical how bitter the male commenters on this article are.

  • Grant M

    I don’t know what to say. Panties, thong, pussy. Stupid. Is that word still acceptable?

  • Grant M

    Let me try to elaborate if I may. A whore wearing a thong bitching about the word panties… mmm, stupid.