Sometimes, it’s difficult to remember that Chris Brown is the same age as I am (23). Not only does he seemingly need a steady IV of attention and controversy at all times, even on holidays, in the same way a 14-year-old does when going through a ~*rebellious*~ stage, he also types like that same 14-year-old just found 4chan–particularly when people insult his music, actions, demeanor or horrible tattoos. So, in the World’s Most Expected News of the day, Chris Brown acted like a pouting child because some meanie on Twitter gave him a boo boo on his oversized ego.
Jenny Johnson, a writer, singer and comedian, responded to a tweet Brown write about being old. Hers said, “I know! Being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person. RT @chrisbrown: I look old as fuck! I’m only 23…”
Brown, being the dignified gentleman that he is, replied, “ know! Being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person. : take them teeth out when u Sucking my dick HOE.” I assume he was cackling to himself at this, the kind of joke only a seventh grader could love, positively in awe of his cleverness.
The two exchanged a series of sarcastic, critical tweets, one of which included Johnson saying, “Your mom must be so proud of you” to which Brown retorted, “Mom says hello … she told me not to shart in ur mouth, wanted me to s— right on your retina.”
And of course, Brown’s delusional Twitter following attacked Johnson with all sorts of death threats, which she encouraged her followers to read. Perhaps in response to Johnson receiving these threats, Brown used the ol’ dick/joke saying: “Don’t run for support now … Lol. Ur a comedic writer!!! If u can take a dick, u can take a joke.” Again, this is a 23-year-old man talking.
He also cryptically tweeted, ”Just ask Rihanna if she mad??????” Uh, whether or not “she mad” isn’t the point. The point is that you beat the shit out of her, seemingly feel no remorse and are an overall terrible human being.
To summarize this conversation/the past three years: Chris Brown thinks the way that everyone will get over him behaving like an unapologetic, abusive asshole by being a verbally abusive, threatening, vulgar, misogynistic asshole who apparently enjoys scat. Logic.
Brown’s last tweets prior to departure: “To teambreezy… Know that I’m not upset. Just felt like entertaining the ignorance. These bitches crazy…” “Further proved my point of how immature society is.” “#CarpeDiem I win!” and “Catch me in traffic…”
Yes, Chris Brown, guy who beat up his girlfriend and tells women to remove their teeth while sucking your dick and uses phrases like “I win!,” we are the immature, ignorant ones. And please, do catch yourself in traffic.
Photos: Daniel Tanner/WENN.com & Mean Girls.