Have you ever listened to the lyrics of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” and wondered how such a creepy, date rapey song got to be a Christmas classic? I mean, the man doesn’t respect the woman’s boundaries at all and she even alludes to roofies at one point, but it was recorded by Bing Crosby so I guess it’s untouchable.
Seriously, these words read like they were written by some horrible men’s rights activist on Reddit who thinks a woman gives up her right to say “no” just by walking in the door (that cock-teasing bitch):
The neighbors might think – Baby, it’s bad out there
Say, what’s in this drink – No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how – Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell – I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir – Mind if I move a little closer
At least I’m gonna say that I tried – What’s the sense in hurting my pride
I really can’t stay – Baby don’t hold out
(The woman and the man trade lines, if that’s not obvious.)
I don’t know about you, but that song hardly gets me in the mood to drink eggnog and bake festive cookies. It does, however, make me want to stock up on pepper spray.
Luckily, a Youtuber named Chase Gregory has fixed the song to make it much more woman-friendly, with lines like: “Maybe just a half a drink more – Only if you’re really quite sure” and “I ought to say no no no, sir – Say it, we’ll end up closer!” Towards the end, he even says “I know it isn’t up to me” and gets her her gloves. It’s almost like he’s taken one of those “Consent Is Sexy” classes they give incoming college freshmen now to teach them how not to rape each other. Now, if only she could go back in time and fix the Ella Fitzgerald version, I could hear that song in taxi cabs and not feel incredibly weirded out.