Porn: Do You Or Don’t You Watch It? (You So Do, Just Admit It)

Sometimes ladies have their clit in their throat... totally plausible.

This poll is actually a prelude to a piece I’ll be doing next week, but I figured we might as well get the conversation started. And talking about porn is fun, and um, is it hot in here? I feel a little flushed at the moment.

Yesterday, my friend Amelia McDonell-Parry at The Frisky wrote about her favorite porn star, Manuel Ferrara. In the same way that I have a deep love (read: appreciation for his talent and pretty face) for his fellow porn star, James Deen, her piece revealed something that might be shocking to some. Are you ready for this? Are you sitting down?

WOMEN LIKE PORN. HELL, SOME WOMEN LOVE PORN.

Maybe it’s a generational thing, but when I told my mother that, similar to Amelia, I too have a favorite porn star, she was floored. “Women don’t watch porn! That’s something men do!” (Also, Chatels don’t masturbate — another “fact” I’ve been told my entire life. No wonder, I spend my days being so confused about sex.)

As I said, this is just a sampling of a post I’ll be writing next week that I thought, in the meantime, you, our lovely, devoted, spectacularly phenomenal readers could mull over. Not only do you or don’t you watch it, but what gets you off? Are you ashamed to admit that you enjoy watching aggressive porn that involves gag-balls and maybe even some form of degradation — CONSENSUAL, OF COURSE. Or is something along the lines of beds covered in roses more your cup of tea — herbal tea, obviously.

Get your thoughts together on this, and we can really delve into it next week, as well as all the reasons you should be watching it, if you’re not already. I’m feeling quite turned on just thinking about it!

Sorry! This poll is now closed.

 

Photo: Bryanstone Pictures

 

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    • anna

      i used to watch it in my teens to try and figure out what sex was like, and then the early stages of my real sex life. now i figure im no longer an amateaur and haven’t watched any porn in a while except with boyfriends, who always seem so proud of me for it. go figure.

    • Fabel

      I watch it! Usually just pictures or short videos though, since my attention span is not that great.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Cliphunter.com — that’s one of the only good things Swede taught me. Clips for the ADD kids!

    • http://blog.dianeshipley.com diane shipley

      What if I think it can be disgusting and degrading, but shouldn’t be banned?

    • Maria

      More often than not I’m disappointed with porn. Most guys are incredibly ugly. While I’m attracted to women, too, you hardly ever get to see much of the male protagonist. The scenarios do not turn me on, and by that I don’t mean that i want a 90 minute movie to precede the hot scenes, just a hint of a fantasy that makes sense. And don’t get me started on so-called porn for women. I watched one of these once (supposedly”award-winning”) and there was weird food sex, the same focus on the female body you get in all other kinds of porn and a long scene where he just put on a condom. Yeah, really erotic. I guess in theory I really like the idea of porn, but so far I prefer my own imagination.

      • Samantha_Escobar

        Agreed @ the disappointment in a lot of porn. :( I think one of the things that’s most helped me navigate the world of adult sites to find exactly what I’m looking for is knowing what keywords to use, even if they don’t necessarily make sense or explicitly apply to the subject matter. I wish I could give a good example, but I can’t think of one right now besides searching for “friend” in order to find really non-aggressive sex stuff, but hopefully you catch my drift, haha. Searching through the “female friendly” sections of porn sites, as patronizing as that title sounds, is fantastic because you’ll often see some great lookin’ fellahs, if that’s what you’re looking for.

        But in all seriousness, almost all high budget porn is obnoxious and not appealing to me. It always looks tacky and silly. Guh. But I admittedly watch other types of porn nearly every day.

      • Amanda Chatel

        It’s so nice to know I’m not the only one watching it almost every day… actually, I don’t know many who don’t. Maybe it’s a working from home thing?

        YOU DAMN PERV, SAMMIE.

        But back to key words, I’ve yet to master words to search, but I know what to avoid. When you see something the says “torn apart,” run. Unless that’s you’re thing, then by all means…

      • Fred Bill Nietsche

        Try x-art or orgasms(dot)xxx or Joymii. You HAVE to find that erotic from a woman’s point of view, otherwise…well…I don’t know.

    • MaryKay

      I am an anti-porn feminist. And this isn’t because I am a prude, and I don’t have a religious or philosophical objection to sex. What I do have an objection to is the domination of women’s bodies by the patriarchy, a practice that has somehow become protected under the guise of “free speech” when really the speech of pimps using the bodies of an oppressed sex class does not seem worth protecting. So, okay, Amanda, some women “like porn,” I’m sure. I would advocate, however, that women REALLY THINK about porn, maybe read some Andrea Dworkin and Catherine MacKinnon and make sure that they honestly enjoy what, it seems to me, we have been simply taught to enjoy. Porn in the U.S. is not as exploitative as some of the other iterations of trafficking in women’s bodies worldwide, but it is useful to investigate the motivations of people making your porn. The first time I watched porn, I cried. It seemed so obvious to me how harmful it was to the people participating, and to those “learning” from it. And now, as an adult, I see those ramifications from people watching a lot of porn in my own sex life, and I really don’t like it. This is all to say that even in the heyday of funfeminism, it is still okay to really investigate yourself to find if you agree with the ubiquity of porn in the patriarchy, where women are almost always treated as a little less than human.

      • Amanda Chatel

        There are many different forms of pornography — some that objectify men and put women on pedestals, and even, more shocking to those whose knowledge/exposure to the porn industry is limited, ones that actually have all parties in the situations as equals.

        To say that it’s harmful to those participating in it is your opinion, to which you’re entitled. However, you can’t assume that everyone involved in the making of porn is harmed by it. Some people — both men and women — enjoy being actors in the pornography industry. Some even enjoy the acted out humiliation, degradation and erotic aggression (even bordering on violence) that comes with the really raunchy shit that might make both you and I physically ill.

        At some point we need to stop blaming the patriarchy for everything. Not everything has to be turned into an issue of men vs. women with women constantly being on the losing end of this war we’ve (we, as in both genders) created, because it just further divides us. I feel it ends up just insulting both genders.

        I love watching porn. I have friends who are sex workers and not one of them sees themselves as a victim of this imposed patriarchy of which you speak.

        Your passion on the topic is more than admirable, but sometimes entertainment is entertainment, and when it’s done in a safe place where the adults are consenting to the actions, it really isn’t our right to assume their performances are under duress.

        As for your statement, “…make sure that they honestly enjoy what, it seems to me, we have been simply taught to enjoy.” I think many, if not most porn-loving women I know (which would be 99% of them), have been taught NOT to enjoy it. If anything, we’ve been taught it’s a “male enjoyment.” So in breaking free from that stereotype, doesn’t that stand for something? Doesn’t that mean we’ve already “really thought” about it and made a choice?

        I’m a pro-porn feminist. I’m also a feminist that longs for the day when not every single issue is turned into an us against “them” issue. I’m not saying our fight for equality is over or that there isn’t still more work to be done, but at some point we just need to stop labeling all women victims.

        My sex worker friends are some of the most staunch feminists I know — they see themselves as bucking the patriarchy because they’re doing things on THEIR terms. And last I checked, that’s a major component of feminism.

      • MaryKay

        This is an argument I never expect to “win,” I just want women to think about WHY they enjoy what they enjoy. I think the healthy thing to do is make sure that we are mindful of our orgasms. I’ve thought about it, and even when watching ethical or consensual porn, I still hate it. Surely the experience of an anti-porn woman should be as valid as the experience of a happy sex worker.

        I’m surprised by the tone of your response, since I was not prescriptive in my first comment, nor did I try to tell everyone what True Feminism ™ is. I just wanted to put my opinion out there, since you are going to write a piece telling people why to watch porn. In writing your piece, it may be helpful to understand that some of the readership of TheGloss is less enthusiastic about porn than you are. However, I know you try to be as provocative as possible, so I doubted my comment would be taken seriously even as I wrote it.

        While porn can exist under the conditions you mention ( I also have friends who are very happy sex workers,) it also often exists under conditions which are not nearly so benign. One of the problems I see with some blog-culture today is that there are many narratives to read about happy, privileged sex workers and happy women watching porn, but fewer readily available dialogues which engage victims of sex work, trafficking, and pornography, who are by necessity less vocal.

        I look forward to your upcoming article.

      • BL

        “I just want women to think about WHY they enjoy what they enjoy.” – an excellent question/interrogative.

        “I think the healthy thing to do is make sure that we are mindful of our orgasms.” – ok, what??…

        “I’ve thought about it, and even when watching ethical or consensual porn, I still hate it.” – that about what? in what way? what did you conclude? and also… you still hate it? After what sequence of thoughts? and what is it that you hate?

        “Surely the experience of an anti-porn woman should be as valid as the experience of a happy sex worker.” -Certainly. On a base level, yes, I consider this to be fundamentally true… but I also think that you must examine your experience, thoroughly… just as in the first couple of sentences you state that you want women to consider why they enjoy what they enjoy, I think generally, anyone, must ask themselves why their perspective is their perspective.

        “I’m surprised by the tone of your response, since I was not prescriptive in my first comment, nor did I try to tell everyone what True Feminism ™ is.” -She did come off a did one-sided/preachy/jaded.

        “I just wanted to put my opinion out there, since you are going to write a piece telling people why to watch porn.” -In your initial response you too came off a little one-sided/preachy/jaded.

        “In writing your piece, it may be helpful to understand that some of the readership of TheGloss is less enthusiastic about porn than you are.” -Yes, I suppose it could be helpful to consider the diverse perspectives of The Gloss readership, but ultimately… write want you want to write, and dissent if you must.

        “However, I know you try to be as provocative as possible, so I doubted my comment would be taken seriously even as I wrote it.” – Maybe you two know each other better than I’ve realized…

        The rest… perfectly valid. Good points, and I agree with the implied considerations of your critique, that The Gloss should seek empowered female voices with a less traditional, and do I dare say it, “privileged” background.

        My two cents.

      • Amanda Chatel

        “However, I know you try to be as provocative as possible, so I doubted my comment would be taken seriously even as I wrote it.”

        I’m sorry you feel that way in regards to being taken seriously. Yes, I do tend to be… oh, what’s a good description for me? A hot-headed bitch. Yes! That will do. But seriously, when I do lean toward more provocative type issues, I do it to engage commenters in a conversation/debate — like the one we’re having now. I’m not sure how my tone came off to you (the curse of the Internet), but I assure you it wasn’t hostile in any way. Perhaps frustrated that we’ve gotten to a point where we’re being asked to “think” about why we enjoy porn, as opposed to just enjoying it for the entertainment it is, but other than that I was very calm in my reply.

        As I also said in my original response, your passion on the topic is admirable. Your opinion is important and it makes me sad that you thought your comment would not be taken seriously. (Although, yes, I do pull out the snark on some commenters, but this new commenting system is too aggravating to even bother doing that much anymore.)

        Admittedly, I am a bit confused by some of what you had to say, “mindful of our orgasms” in particular, but had I not respected your comment, I wouldn’t have responded. I hope that you won’t hold back your thoughts and opinions on next week’s article regarding this topic! Deal?

        On a less serious note, “BL” should get a cupcake for such a critique.

    • Robyn

      I would love, love, love some recommendations on porn sites/actors/whatever that other commenters have enjoyed… I find the sheer magnitude of porn out there pretty overwhelming, and don’t really know where to go half the time to find the good stuff, as most of it is pretty dull. (And yes, almost ESPECIALLY the porn that is labelled ‘feminist’/'ethical’ – puts me to sleep.)

    • Fred Bill Nietsche

      I was surprised by Amelia’s post about M. Ferrara since she’s an American woman and American women are freaked out by men with a NATURAL penis. Also, I understand when wome say that they find porn boring because they usually bump into that cheesy pizza-guy and the lady who can’t find her purse so they have sex. But there are porn for women such as x-art (Google it).

      Also, If there’s something great about having a penis is having a foreskin. So, men who were cut don’t know what they are missing. It’s really sad that they will never know what real pleasure feels like, just retracting your foreskin feels amazing, let alone having sex. Also, there’s no such a thing as being UNcut, either you have a NATURAL penis or you were cut and you’ll never know what sex REALLY feels like. Also, the ignorance displayed by most American girls about this topic is disgusting. They think that all NATURAL cocks have their head covered, and that they’re creepy, gross, weird and blah blah blah. This type of ignorance has been boosted Sex and the City and other stupid shows for shallow people. Some men have a very short foreskin, some short and some long ones. There are male pornstars with natural cocks like Nacho Vidal, Ramon from BangBros and Manuel Ferrara and they’re all different. Mine looks like that of Nacho’s (smaller, though, lol). My head is always uncovered and looks like a cut one, hard and soft. Only when it’s really cold, it looks half covered. So, isn’t it time to stop spreading the myth?