The Worst Undergarments To Have Sex In (NSFW)

It’s the holidays, which means lots of misguided magazines will be telling men to get “presents for both of you,” such as cheap underwear and teddies you will drunkenly pair with a Santa hat for one evening, then come to your senses and hide forever. In fact, it’s a long-standing tradition in the clothing industry to market lots of sexy items which aren’t actually all that conducive to sex.

Earlier today, Julieanne Smolinski of NY Magazine detailed her attempts to have sex in Spanx, i.e. the anti-fuck of the undergarment world, including two fails and a success (though the latter wound up taking the Spanx off). Her description of trying to get down while “literally up to my elbows in sweaty, feet-smelling spandex” is damn hilarious, and she also notes the irony of them being sold in the “Intimates” department, despite making closeness with anybody extremely troublesome.

But Spanx aren’t the only things that won’t add to the convenience of your sex life. Let’s take a look at a few very inconvenient truths about some of these garments right now, as well as their potential consequences. As you’ll come to see (though you probably could’ve guessed), American Apparel tends to be the biggest culprit.

P.S. These aren’t all safe for work, so keep that in mind!

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    • lala

      These are things that you wear when you know you’re going to be drunk and horny later but you don’t want to give in for whatever reason. An alternative (for me at least) is not shaving anything so if there’s some super cute guy it would be too embarrassing to de-robe. I think these pieces are helpful! And obviously nothing works sometimes, in which case weird underwear or hairiness is just a minor inconvenience.

      • Eva Rinaldi

        Nah, for that you want a legit corset.
        If having sex with a man is worth removing a corset it took 20 minutes to get on, he is important enough to have sex with when you just met him. No matter how drunk you are.

    • JennyWren

      Who tries to have sex with their spanx/compression garments still on?! The whole idea is that you wear something more skimpy underneath, then briefly excuse yourself and whip them off while in the toilet (don’t forget to take your purse with you so that your deception remains plausible). By the time the lights are off/dimmed a bit of extra jiggle won’t show up in any case.
      I’m actually against spanx on principle anyway; I don’t care how gorgeous the dress is, if it requires anything that uncomfortable I’m not interested,

      • JennyWren

        Also, the best thing to have sex in ever is French knickers, but the old-fashioned loose fitting type. It is known.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Hahaha! I love this comment.

    • Alexandra

      That American Apparel bodysuit is clubwear, not underwear…

      • Samantha_Escobar

        Whoops, I should’ve posted the original photo I meant to use of that kind of full body suit (like these: but I saw the photo of Amanda Seyfried and my admiration took over my judgment, haha. I was aiming towards the whole crotchless-one-piece thing!

      • Alexandra

        I was talking about the mesh-panel bodysuit, the one also used in the main picture :P
        Although I understand the confusion because the full bodysuit can also be found at AA :P

    • Thuthukile Urania Mkhize

      I hardly ever Laugh Out Loud at things I see on the internet but that fireman hose . . . .

    • ss396

      I hope you don’t have to pee or anything like that if you are out and about in some of these.

    • chey

      Do people not have sex completly naked anymore?

      • Eva Rinaldi

        Apparently not?
        Also, still a “gawth” although a grownup one. Fishnets cost like a dollar.
        You can totally feel free to rip a pair for foreplay purposes.

    • kelly

      What do you mean, spanx aren’t fun to have sex in? Get the legging ones and cut the crotch out! Its awesome!!