• Thu, Nov 29 2012

Small Child Offers Tips On How To Get Girls

“Stop sniffing tampons,” suggests Steven Fernandez, a small child from California who knows how to get girls and make YouTube videos. If you thought children were over-sexed or too advanced or not climbing enough trees, this video is not for you. It features young Fernandez dispensing advice like, ”Guys, stop treating girls like they’re a unicorn that shits Nutella out of their ass. …Even though Nutella’s delicious” and ”Give him compliments like ‘You’ve kind of got an ass that I’d like to stare at.’”

In another particularly hallucinatory scene, he walks into the bathroom of a former NFL cheerleader and lovingly bounces along with her mostly bare ass (after deeming her a MILF and before suggesting you follow her on Instagram). Elsewhere, he accosts various strange women on the street and, under the guise of doing a school project, asks them all kinds of uncomfortable questions.

Fingers crossed this is actually the work of Vice.

(via Vulture)

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  • Maggie

    Well, as soon as he realizes that none of this will help him, or anyone for that matter, get girls, hopefully he’ll go back to just jerking it to Playboy like a regular 12 year old.

  • Sunshine

    I have a feeling this kid’s going to grow up to be a sex offender.

    • Griffy

      I have a feeling this kid’s going to grow up a super successful professional skateboarder, seeing as he’s 12 and is already under the wing of legends such as Stevie Williams and Josh Kalis. Coming from a tough neighborhood will show you things other places wouldn’t have. His sponsors won’t fuck anything up for him and will help him along the way.

  • Vanessa

    I don’t mean to be a b*tch, but does anyone, particularly the editor, see anything wrong with this: ” If you thought children was”. Or this: “you follower her” I <3 The Gloss, and I love the articles. However, I really, REALLY like when JOURNALISTS use proper grammar. I understand this is via Vulture, but still. Perhaps have an intern proofread?

  • lauren

    typical LA kid… fucked. up.

  • Mark D

    If you really want to know how to get any girl you want watch this youtube video, youtube.com/watch?v=pKtYhCZXnMg , I tried the site she mentioned long ago, and it worked real good for me , you know sometimes you need to stop being cheap and just invest in yourself. Gym, clothes, a nice hair cut. If a book or site? will help you, pay for it. Not everything in life is free, peace out!