• Mon, Dec 3 2012

Octomom Is Officially A Masturbating Super Star, Nominated For Four Porn Awards

Congrats, Octomom!

In America dreams come true all the time. Struggling actors finally get noticed after 20 years of waiting tables, Jay-Z came from nothing to become literally larger than life, I just had the best cup of coffee in the world and sometimes, when the stars align perfectly, a woman who so desperately wanted to not just look, but be Angelina Jolie eventually gets the awards she deserves for her acting ability. Why else would they call this sprawling country of fast food chains and glorious stores like Wal-Mart the land of opportunity, if this shit wasn’t all a real possibility?

In case you’re late to the party, after swearing she would never succumb to the possible financial security that might come with selling her bod online for cash, Nadya “Octomom” Suleman eventually caved. While she didn’t delve into the type of porn you’d see our buddy James Deen doing, she did decide that a “solo porn tape” — where she licks her fingers quite a bit for some reason — was something she could handle. And so ”Octomom: Home Alone,” was born, she was paid handsomely for her efforts and, in turn, was able to take care of those 15 or so kids she has at home. It’s 15 now, right? 23? I don’t know. It’s a lot.

Now she’s not only been nominated for one, two or even three AVN (Adult Video News) Awards but four. Yes, sometimes some bumping and grinding in pretty fucking ridiculous sunglasses will get you award nominations. Of course this makes her even one step close to Angelina Jolie — in a round about way.

The categories in which Suleman is nominated and just might have the chance to walk away with a glitzy statue (or plaque or maybe something more phallic in shape) are: Best Celebrity Sex Tape, Best Solo Release, Best DVD Extras, and Best Marketing Campaign for ”Octomom Home Alone.”

As she told HuffPo, she’s super psyched about the nominations and is, to use her words, “blown away to even be nominated.” To make a snarky comment based on that would be too easy, so let’s just let it go and be happy that perhaps, although she swears she’ll never make another porn movie, Octomom has found herself a new career. One thing is for certain: sex sells and always will; I can’t imagine they have a huge layoff rate.

 

Photo: WickedPictures

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