• Tue, Dec 4 2012

Professional Douchebag Adam Levine Calls ‘Honey Boo Boo’ The ‘Decay Of Western Civilization, Sees No Irony

Angry rants against a show about a little kid is a silly thing for a celebrity to do–especially when you happen to have a pretty pathetic career yourself. But don’t tell that to Adam Levine, the most highbrow, intellectually advanced famous person the world has ever seen, one who loves throwing stones in glasses houses and is happy to invite the media to watch.

Levine took to GQ to show the grossest illustration I’ve seen today, as well as to bash “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”:

Seriously, Honey Boo Boo is the DECAY of Western civilization. Just because so many people watch the show doesn’t mean it’s good. So many people witness atrocities and can’t take their eyes away from them, but that doesn’t mean they’re good. That show is literally The. Worst. Thing. That’s. Ever. Happened. It’s complete fucking ignorance and the most despicable way to treat your kids. Fuck those people. You can put that in the magazine: Fuck those idiots. They’re just the worst. Sorry, I’m so sensitive to that—like, I don’t know, man, it’s upsetting. Just to clarify, I said, “FUCK THOSE PEOPLE.”

First of all, stop using the shift key, Adam Levine. You’re not doing it right.

But really, the show is the worst thing that has ever happened? The absolute most horrible thing you can think of? “The. Worst. Thing. That’s. Ever. Happened.”? Not murder, not hunger, not disease, not war crimes, not suicide; “Honey Boo boo” is the worst?

Also: “So many people witness atrocities and can’t take their eyes away from them, but that doesn’t mean they’re good.” Um, what? Nobody has ever said atrocities–which was shitty hyperbole to use here, considering the deeply violent connotation of the word–were “good.” And “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” is definitely not an “atrocity,” in my eyes.

As Joanne Spataro pointed out in October, Honey Boo Boo and her family are actually relatively sweet, kind people on their show (and that TLC, which very well may be “the worst” on television, would undoubtedly air any abusive or negative behavior). They’re accepting of homosexuality–a mindset many non-Southerners do not associate with states like Georgia–and the kid seems happier doing pageants than I ever was playing sports or doing plays or other, more “normal” childhood activities. So are they “the decay” of Western civilization? No, I don’t think so.

So while I don’t think “Honey Boo Boo” is by any means good television, I just don’t think Levine is in any place to judge. He’s on The Voice, a televised talent show that–as all televised talent shows do–was created primarily to embarrass, humiliate and occasionally high five people who will never be successful from doing a fucking televised talent show. Oh, and he’s also in Maroon 5.

Brilliant lyricism, brought to you by a 14-year-old's AIM profile.

Forgive me if I don’t take your opinion seriously, dude, but considering you also called pulling out a “foolproof birth control method,” doing so is not a luxury one can afford. I’m pretty sure letting your kid bounce off the walls and do pageants is less damaging to the public than advocating a completely non-safe form of contraceptive.

Of course, he’s not the first: as Huffington Post noted, Joy Behar famously fat-shamed Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson, who is 7-years-old. Now shall we talk “decay of Western civilization”?

Photo: NBC Supplied by WENN
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  • http://www.facebook.com/CydniiWithTwoEyes Cydnii Wilde Harris

    YES, thank you. Pulitzers. Pulitzers for everybody.

    • Samantha_Escobar

      FOUR FOR YOU, GLEN COCO.

      …and none for Adam Levine.

  • CMJ

    I made a comment regarding this on the article in Mommyish (basically thanking her for calling out Levine because I couldn’t eloquently, at that time, explain what irked me so much about his comments) and I got called stupid and illogical because I said he was a mediocre pop star and his opinion wasn’t very relevant.

    Your article also sums up my main point – glass houses. Glass houses, people.

    • Samantha_Escobar

      I didn’t even realize Mommyish had posted about it, but now that I’ve gone to see some of the comments, I’m a little more bummed out (but I’m really glad you mentioned Lindsay’s post because she makes some points I didn’t know how to phrase without yelling expletives). Celebrities will always have e-fight-to-the-death defenders, but that’s typically only until they’re not as famous and attractive anymore, so I assume when Levine hits 45, nobody will remember who he is anyway (thank goodness).

  • Cee

    Ugh I cant understand what women see in him. Hes gross

    • Samantha_Escobar

      Pecs? Crooning? I have no idea, either :(

  • Jenn

    You have ABSOLUTLY NO IDEA what you are talking about. Adam Levine is one of the NICEST most THANKFUL celebs you will ever meet. And was he the ONLY one who had bad things to say about Honey boo boo.. not so much
    Second of all THE VOICE HAS NEVER Embaressed ANYONE! Its not Idol its NOT the Xfactor. They NEVER do that…. make sure you know what show your watching before you get it wrong..
    A pathedic career? Do you have eyes and ears? Not saying you have to like Maroon 5 at all but they are one of the BIGGEST bands on the planet right now. Sold out shows, Billboard top 100 singles, The Voice is getting amazing ratings.
    So before you want to rant about ADAM, get your facts straight!

    • Samantha_Escobar

      I see caps lock runs in the fanbase, too.

    • DreaTheGreat

      You should also note that being “famous” is a proof of talent, as well as authority to bash children in a tremendously public way. I mean, who are YOU to call him out on his irresponsable avalanche of male privilige and massive exaggeration? Don’t you know he is popular?

  • HJS

    It is disappointing that you choose to get into the semantics of Levine’s phrasing and use of the shift key instead of the real issue of how harmful to the child everything in that show is. That girl is psychologically and physically ruined by her morbidly obese mother who doesn’t know her elbow from her ass…but lets cut her some slack because she isn’t standing on a street corner with a “God hates fags” sign? please. How about the fact that pageants objectify women into things that can be judged on a point scale? That they need to sing and tapdance for approval? I have nothing to say about Levine’s words, he’s an artist. I don’t expect him or his opinions to be a sociological dissertation of parenting issues, especially in men’s magazine. However I expect more from you as a writer and a social journalist/commenter than to just pounce on someone because he gives off a douchey vibe to you and instead defend something that truly is vile and a detriment to our culture, a expose of betrayal to our children, and a warning sign of things that could happen with the wrong parent. I know you’re not writing for the New Yorker or NYT, but you could’ve given this so much more depth and insight.

    • Samantha_Escobar

      You’re right, he did not have a dissertation ready; in fact, he just uses exaggerations and hyperbole to make a misguided point. Does he have no responsibility for his words and voiced opinions just because of the outlet or because he’s not a sociologist? Of course not. When did I mention the Westboro Baptist Church? And when did I mention sex work (which, by the way, is a perfectly all right career if all parties are consensual and respected)? And by “given this so much more depth and insight,” I assume you mean “not criticize him” or “voice things from his perspective,” which isn’t going to happen, because we share completely different opinions. Pretending we don’t would be ineffective on every level.

      Pageants are pretty ridiculous, in my opinion. I think they can be extremely damaging and I would never force my kid into one; I think it’s terrible to see the kids on “Toddlers & Tiaras” that are forced into dancing, practicing and using beauty products when they don’t want to. But Alana Thompson–of which there are few similar children on TV-seems genuinely happy doing them, so I have no qualms with it. She seems happy and confident, so no, I don’t think doing pageants is ruining the kid’s life. If we’re going to criticize “Honey Boo Boo,” we should probably take a larger look at children in the entertainment industry as a whole.

  • http://twitter.com/PortraitOfMmeX Madame X

    I have no idea who the fuck Adam Levine is but I basically agree with him. That show is sickening and I’m not about to give a cookie to someone just because they are not homophobic. You’re supposed to be not homophobic. I do think that the props people give that show because they “seem nice” or like gays, while totally ignoring the problems of our culture that are summed up by that family, are a sign that social standards have lowered and maybe that isn’t the decay of Western civilization but it’s pretty concerning to me nonetheless.

    • DreaTheGreat

      A cookie for every person that is not a homophobe would make a lot of people happy and support local cookie makers. People are not “supposed” to be or do anything, and if you still believe that you have obviously not taken a look around ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD where people do things they are not “supposed” to do on a regular, consistent, mindboggling way. Not agreeing withn what a particular family does or believe doesn’t give you the right to use them as an example, especially if it means bashing and shaming a child.

  • Liz Acevedo

    I think that Adam is right, for me atrocity means: sexualize your little girl, expose her dressed like an adult, put her in the sight of pedophiles and give her caffeine, taurine and high doses of sugar, make money of all that and least but not last live through her because you’re a morbidly obese woman. I think that is the exact deffinition of atrocity.