“How Do We Make Men Fight Over Us?”

"You smell weird."

Recently, the talented and awesome Jen Dziura filed an excellent piece for the site about how emotions typically associated with men (anger, shouting) aren’t considered emotions, whereas emotions typically associated with women are (moreover, that these kinds are viewed as weaknesses). The post got a lot of love around the internet, but you might never know from the comment thread, which was bombed by too many hateful bros to count.

One such bro, however, offered this truly amazing bit of free association that basically explains the human condition:

Men steal to get money for drugs and sex. Women give up sex to get drugs or the money with which to buy them. Men sometimes assault one another, often so that they might assert their dominance, thereby obtaining sex or money or drugs. Women give up sex…. Women also sometimes manipulate one or more men into assaulting one another, usually just for their own amusement. (Been there, stopped just as we were ready to go at it, when I saw the unholy light in her eyes. We actually maintained a platonic friendship for decades afterward; I’ve desired few women as much as I did her, but I don’t dance on anyone’s strings.)

Editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff have decided to discuss jack_sprat2‘s dark vision.

Jennifer:  Would you like men to fight over you? Like, if two men started hitting one another in a bar OVER YOU, would that be nifty?

Ashley: Oh my god. You totally want that.

Jennifer:  No, no, I think that’s a bit primitive.

Ashley: Is this one of your weird power fantasies I don’t know about?

Jennifer:  What I would like is a little war. Only a little one. The kind of thing fought primarily between city states utilizing triremes.

Ashley: You have a Helen of Troy fantasy?

Jennifer:  I think I have the fantasy known to every woman who spent A LOT of time playing Civilization III growing up. I would also accept a duel, but that has more to do with my time traveling fantasies about living in the 19th century, or an episode of Firefly.

Ashley:  I think I have a fantasy that’s just me playing Civ III at 4:00 in the morning, eating chips. I think that’s simultaneously a picture of perfect happiness and abject despair. Also, college. …So, what your saying is ‘brawling is inelegant.’ But you do want a fight? You know that’s kind of gross, right?

Jennifer:  A little war. Just a little one.

Share This Post:
    • Ara

      I would really like to be best friends with you people. lol. Civ III ftw!

    • alexandra

      The fact that you put jack_sprat2 in boldface like a celebrity is already enough to make this article a classic. Killin’ it.

    • Lindsey

      Shall I not be on a pedestal, worshiped and competed for? Not be carried off or better still, start a little war?

      God, the joys of maidenhood these days. It ain’t what it used to be!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1474015906 Ellen Walrath

        I honest-to-goodness updated to firefox on my new computer just to make that exact quote. So I’ll just post a link to the whole song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T81CQfOcX5E

      • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

        I LOVE YOU. (Also, I kind of use Camelot as my romantic template, and I think this is totally normal).

    • MR

      In the mid to late ’70s, when I was in my mid teens, access to condoms was the thing that was important. Yeah, I don’t remember ever having to fight to have sex with another teen. :)

    • Lastango

      You are lauding a Jen Dziura piece that attacked men for not being rational, yet you start off by demonizing men who commented there as “hateful.”

      If you really care about how people can communicate intelligently and respectfully, do you think that sets a good example?

    • Sophia

      I grew up playing not Civ III, but Civ II. Just down the street from your velociraptor, I might add, urban sprawl not having advanced very far in the Cretaceous Period.

      • http://www.facebook.com/MatthewMcVeagh Matthew McVeagh

        I didn’t even grow up playing Civ I – I started playing it after university.