• Wed, Dec 5 2012

I’m Sick Of Your Dumb Frozen Yogurt Obsession

pinkberry sucks

Look, frozen yogurt isn’t that great, okay? I’m not saying it’s awful, but it is not a food that deserves to be accompanied by a chorus of feminine squeals every time it is mentioned.

And The New York Observer is backing me up on this. There’s a piece about the rise of frozen yogurt and how it is – as I have always secretly felt – really, really overrated. When I saw this I breathed a sigh of relief, took a gander at the writer’s name (Kim Velsey) and I murmured “you and me, Kim. We are in this thing together.”

I think I meant, “a life defined by not being like other girls, insofar as we have no desire to hang out at Pinkberry eating a substance seemingly defecated out of a machine. Insofar as we do not really want to eat robot poop with cookie dough bits mixed in, basically.”

It’s an increasingly lonely life. The Observer notes:

It was not until one day in Union Square that I realized, in a moment of disquieting clarity, that frozen yogurt shops were everywhere. A Joyride frozen yogurt truck idled by the park, Diet Lite Ice Cream was visible just down 17th Street, and a Yelp search revealed that a Pinkberry, a Tasti D-Lite, a Red Mango, a 16 Handles, a Yoqua Bar and a Yogurberry were all within a five to 10 minute walk. None of which were deemed satisfactory by the friend at my side, who urged us on toward Flavaboom on Sixth Avenue, where one could get the nonfat flavors twisted together and heaped with cheesecake bites and cookie dough.

Nearly skipping with anticipation, she raved about frozen yogurt the whole way there. It was alarming. How could she be so into frozen yogurt? I wondered. How could anyone? This was a dessert, after all, that oozed out of self-serve machines. It was served in a tub. Like margarine. It was nicknamed fro-yo.

THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.

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  • Lo

    Once, on holiday in Italy, I had some raspberry ice cream. It was the best thing I’d ever put in my mouth (and that includes pizza, dicks and that one really tasty rifle). I tried for ages to recreate it when I got home, but nothing worked until Greek yoghurt. So, yes, frozen yoghurt can be as good as ice cream. The important thing is not to care about its magical nutritious colon-polishing properties, and to concentrate on seeing how much you can stuff into a chocolate-dipped waffle cone.

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      I want to say big up to Lo, first of all. And that I actually prefer frozen yogurt to ice cream. But I like tangy as a flavor more than straight sweet?

  • Nikola

    Preach!

    If you want yogurt, try some Fage greek yogurt…It. Is. Amazing. Go for the full fat, don’t be a wuss about it. It is creamy deliciousness, and has the healthful properties of yogurt.

    If you want ice cream, eat some damn ice cream. Or better yet gelato…creamy rich, full fat gelato. Stop half-assing it when you are treating yourself. Eat your fruit and veg for health/nutrition, and eat the really good stuff when you decided to treat yourself!

  • CMJ

    I LOVE Yogurtland….(I think it’s far superior to all the frozen yogurt places mentioned here)…and not because I think it’s good for me (because, really, when I add mountains of Reeses’ Peanut Butter cups I’ve negated all health factors) but because I just like it. I also love ice cream too. I don’t discriminate against frozen treats.

  • Simu

    I seriously don’t like ice cream. It’s way too sweet. I prefer more citrus sour taste food, and frozen yogurt is perfect. So just to let you know, some people really just like fro-yo for its taste over ice cream.

  • Candace

    I had a similar rant yesterday when I saw “Gingerbread Frozen Yogurt” being advertized in a Pinkberry window. Like, Jesus come on people.

    THat being said, I hate the after-taste of milk, and therefore prefer yogurt, which lacks said after-taste.

  • Cee

    Aside from an ocassional macaron or holiday slice of something or other, I’m really not a sweets kinda person. When I go to a yogurt place, I get the plain one with LOADS of almonds not because its “healthy” but the tart flavor mixed with the crunch and “oh is there a bit of sugar in this?” is pretty much my ideal dessert. I mean, I wont lose my shit over it like some ladies do (NOT literally) but it is my go to dessert option if my partner leaves it up to me to decide where to go for a snack.

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      With you.

  • http://twitter.com/keanesian Meghan Keane

    Yesterday I walked into a store thinking I would get a frozen yogurt with strawberries on top, but when I looked at the board, I realized that all they sold in this store was frozen fruit out of soft serve machines. I stared at the chalkboard for way too long, wondering why I would pay $6 for a bowl of frozen cranberry juice and how I could be convinced that it would feel like dessert. I went outside to look at their sign again, and they had a picture of white stuff with fruit on top. I went back in looking for something creamy and failed again. I think I was being punked.

  • Raeronola

    I love Pinkberry. I hate regular ice cream.

    I’m sorry this causes you so much pain.

  • Sonsy

    Better still, try some Skyr. I wanna be buried with enough to take with me into the afterlife.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skyr

  • sdklos

    what the hell? some people like frozen yogurt, some people don’t. is it really necessary to write this insane screed about it and accuse people who claim to like it of lying to themselves? clearly you are being over the top about this for comic effect, but the straw man you’ve created pretty ridiculous.

    • Lo

      Yoghurt man, surely.

  • Sami

    Frozen custard is where it’s at.

    • Samantha_Escobar

      OH GOD YES. They always have it at the NY State Fair and I always get 2-3 cones of it in a day.

  • anonymous

    Yea, I don’t like ice cream…it’s too sweet for me. I’d rather have frozen yogurt anyday. Seeing as how both are filled with cancer-causing artifical ingredients, I’ll go to the grave choosing something I do like.

  • Samantha_Escobar

    I love myself some Pinkberry and Cherry On Top, but I hate all the insane amounts of toppings. Fruit: sensible. Nerd-covered marshmallow-filled Heath bars: Erhm, no. And I will always be more down with a pint/quart/gallon of ice cream.

  • me

    Thanks, to you both! Wasn’t fro-yo popular in the 90′s as the alternative to ice cream? Remember TCBY treats? Yeah, it wasn’t good then. Not much better now, though it’s been reclaimed by gourmet. I’ll jump on the gelato bandwagon easy. Or some good creamy ice cream homeade in the summer.

  • http://www.facebook.com/spockish Erynn Petrulis

    I have a confession….and I’m about to be very very honest here…I thought I loved fro-yo, but it turns out I love hot fudge topping and cookie dough bites. xD

    • Amy

      Yup, I found that I enjoyed the pieces of peanut butter cups WAY more than the actual frozen yogurt part.