• Wed, Dec 5 2012

Dating Hijinks: “Don’t You Realize That No One Will Ever Want You? You Are Damaged. No One Will Want You. Only I Ever Will.”

Even if I've asked you not to a 100 times.

On Wednesdays, Amanda Chatel will be sharing stories about her strange, fascinating and sometimes wonderful dating life. If it makes you want to date, check out TheGloss dating page.

Normally for “Dating Hijinks,” I go through your emails and take out the bits and pieces that are the best, and thread them together. I do this mostly because I like to slice and dice and I want to make room for more than one tale. However, Sami’s essay I’m printing in its entirety, because my god, you guys, this guy is the devil.

I know over the years I have written about my qualms with and general misadventures in dating. This year I got into two situations (Chatel note: we’re saving that one for another date) that were way over my head in a Friday night Lifetime movie sort of way. I’d like to think of myself as a savvy dater. Since I’ve spent most of my life not in a relationship, I have never felt intense pressure to be one half of a couple. I have really awesome friends that probably, more than anything, make me a very lazy dater. I’ve tried to frame what occurred in a way so that it could at least seem like a cautionary tale.

I met up with this guy for a first date at the local mall. He was the first person from an online dating site that I had ever met up with for a date in the years that I’ve been on dating sites. He had asked me out two years prior, but I had tonsillitis at the time, and never ended up meeting up with him. The fact that he literally signed back up for online dating to contact me should have been some sort of red flag. My screen name was different and pictures were all different. He remembered everything about our conversations from years before. I remembered a few basic details.

He outright refused to call me Sami, as he hated my name. He only referred to me as Samantha. Our “coffee date” turned into us going suit shopping for him. I may be in the minority of women who really dislike shopping. At one point in the date I was talking about something, he stopped me, and said, “No, I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t care.” To which I surprisingly replied, “you can’t just say things like that to people.” I had to pay for his hot chocolate because he left his wallet at work the day before. He never did drink the hot chocolate because it was hot and he didn’t generally like chocolate. He just ordered something to order something. Again, why we were suit shopping when he couldn’t afford a hot chocolate… the world may never know.

I saw him more times that week. He got away with far more than he should just based on the fact that I found him very attractive, and felt lucky that he was going out with me. Genuinely, anyone would find him very good looking. What I liked most of all was how easy he was to talk to. That, for me, is kryptonite. Through our conversations though he would slowly chip away at me:”Don’t you know that for most guys you talk too much?” “What you wore on our first date was not attractive.” “Your hair is a mess.” etc. Granted, he did pick out good clothes for me, and a good new haircut… but this was a slowly building terrible situation. I made excuses that he was advanced in school, and didn’t socially adapt well. He didn’t have friends, and I felt bad for him. He called me two weeks into dating. At this point we had decided that we were exclusive.

One night he had silenced a phone call from his mom, and it turned out that call was to tell him that his dad was in the hospital with meningitis. I felt awful for him, and offered to help however I could since I knew he had a busy school schedule too. This is the point where he blamed me for his dad’s meningitis. He felt that in the two weeks since meeting me, his life had fallen apart, and that clearly I was to blame for all of it. I brought “bad Karma”. He made it very clear that he never wanted to talk to me again. I unfriended him on Facebook to go along with his wishes. He called two weeks later acting as if nothing happened.

Share This Post:
  • Samantha_Escobar

    Oh dear god, what a psycho…he sounds like a genuinely terrible, terribly mean and lonely person.

  • Sean

    I’m glad she has a Sean to tell her she deserves better.

    What the heck, here it comes in stereo – Sami, I hope this schmuck is ancient history. I don’t know you, or your personal history, but I can honestly tell you regardless of what you perceive your failures to be, you sound like a good person who deserves all the happiness in the world. We all have our challenges, but the person who you’re meant to be with will see them as reasons to share their strengths and even their weaknesses to help you push past them.

    Take care of yourself!
    (another) Sean.

  • Colleen

    Manipulative behavior is the worst. I had an ex who used to tell me anytime I got excited about something I succeeded at that I was arrogant and it wasn’t attractive. He also fucked his ex girlfriend in my bed, too. So….yeah.
    Sami, keep your chin up, love. Guys like that don’t deserve girls like you.

    • Maggie

      WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

  • Formerly Known As

    This is exactly what successful abusers do–come at you with a bit of sweetness & even some neediness, then blindside you by battering you verbally with the information you trusted them with. I say, trust your instincts to cut off all contact–he is using the neediness (“pick a medical specialty for me”) to sucker you into keeping up some contact with him. A good person will love you for both your strengths and your vulnerabilities and will never use your past or your vulnerabilities against you. I agree with Maggie–what an asshole.

  • lucygoosey74

    Wow, he’s not only an asshole, I’m pretty sure he’s a sociopath. I had a similar dating experience waaaay back in high school, in fact, your guy and my guy are SO similar, I almost wonder if they’re the same person! I don’t believe that ANY woman deserves to be with a jerk like this guy. And by the way…you don’t need some guy to confirm that you are ok and a good person, you can figure that out all by yourself. Good luck with future dating, I hope you find somebody great who accepts you for exactly who you are.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julio-Sanchez/100004791664091 Julio Sanchez

    HI AM JULIO DA Sanchez’s, Am from Madrid
    Spain
    . with this great tears of joy and happiness in my heart today I
    want to give an unlimited thanks to this man Called DR ABULU of
    abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com and also share my testimonies with this great
    man on how I was able to get my husband and my kids back to my arms once again
    after two years and after I thought all hope was lost in getting back my family
    .well and happy today I have my family back and I want to say to the whole
    world what would I have done if not for DR ABULU that I saw a testimony share
    on the internet by miss MICHELL FROM AUSTRALIA and I also contacted this man
    for help and he also did my own for me and to day am back with my husband |ALONSO
    DA SANCHEZ,S and my kids are happy with us . so I want to am very happy today
    and I want to say to everyone on this site that I will always remain thankful
    to this man DR ABULU of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com
    for all this he has done for me, thanks to you once again DR for am grateful to
    you and will always be

  • Ryan

    This was a sad story, and I recognized myself in it. You can tell right from the beginning that this guy was a prick; he refuses to call you by the name you give? Who does he think he is? It’s your name. And it just gets worse from there.

    Putting up with this kind of behavior from someone is not normal. I speak from personal experience when I say that there are a lot of people out there who put up with this kind of abuse and think nothing of it, that it’s just the status quo, that everyone is like this.

    A healthy, well-adjusted person would never have put up with someone who treated them this way, let alone continue to see them over and over! In fact, a well-adjusted person would be completely dumbfounded at hearing a story like this. “He said WHAT?! And you say him again?!”

    Abusers like this can smell a victim; they can pick them right out of a crowd, the ones who have been conditioned by past abuses. And people who have been victimized unconsciously seek out victimizers.

    My message is this: seek help. It can get better. You can break the cycle. You can stop being a victim and fix your “picker. Find a good therapist and get to work.

  • sonia smith

    My name is
    Sonia, and i live in uk.I have been through hell and pain,looking
    for a good and real spell caster who can help me get my husband back.I
    have been scammed so many times,by some who claimed to be real spell
    casters.until i found the real and great spell caster PROPHETLUDASPELLTEMPLE” who helped me,and solved all my problems concerning my boyfriend
    who left me since eight months ago.and after that i also took my friend
    along,who was also having the same problem concerning her husband,who
    left her since five months ago,and the problem was also solved by the
    same PROPHETLUDASPELLTEMPLE”. Can’t you see! the real and great spell
    caster is here,all you need to do now is to contact this same address
    whenever you are in any problem related to spell casting.It took me a
    very long period of time,before i could get this real and great spell
    caster.So right now “prophetludaspelltemple@outlook.com” is here,and the
    best for you to solve your problems…….

    prophetludaspelltemple@outlook.com

  • Stacey Bruno

    I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is Dr ATILA he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is atilahealinghome@yahoo.com

  • Emiliano Babarah

    Oh my God, I’m so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me…My name is EMILIANO BABARAH. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby…then my husband left home for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he uthen nderstand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR ORIOMON who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR ORIOMON cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to DR ORIOMON who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is (oriomonspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.

    Thanks EMILIANO BABARAH_USA