• Wed, Dec 5 2012

Why We Should Not Only Start Admitting We Like Porn, But Start Watching It Too

Some prefer cocks and balls; others go for cupcakes.

I’m new to the porn world. It was never something that seemed to interest me. Occasionally, I’d come across it late at night – the soft-core stuff – on Cinemax as a kid, but I immediately changed the channel. It was baffling to me that anyone would get off on watching other people getting off. You couldn’t touch them, you weren’t even an observer in the room; you were a bystander through a box in your living room and it seemed a strange concept.

I found, as I got older, that my type of porn was the kind you read. It was my introduction to Bust’s “One Handed Read” that made me realize that something outside of whoever I was fucking could get me so hot and bothered. It got the point, that the second I got my new issue, I ran to my room and immediately flipped to that page. The fashion, columns and whoever the feminist they had on the cover would have to wait. I had to touch myself first.

It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I got into watching porn. After years of being told that “women don’t like porn” (despite a commenter who last week who said we’re taught to like it), it was with a guy that I was seeing that my mind – and other parts of my body – were enlightened by what I was seeing. I was turned on; I was excited. I wanted more. And I wasn’t about to tell any of my female friends this. Because as we just covered “women don’t like porn;” obviously that’s a “guy thing.”

Well fuck that.

I like it. Yes, there’s a lot of it I don’t like. There’s a lot that’s straight up degrading to women, humiliating and offensive to all the senses. But, to be fair, there’s also some that degrades men, too. You don’t know what true humiliation is until you come across a porn titled “Small Penis Shame” and click on it because you’re curious. It gives new meaning to the word humiliating and makes you realize that some fetishes are just out of the realm of even remote possibility of understanding.

As a woman in my early 30’s, I can tell you that I learned, was not taught, to like porn. And while I didn’t take one of my usual “scientific” polls of the women in my life, I can say that the majority of them also watch it and enjoy it, too. And why shouldn’t they? It’s just another form of getting in touch with your sexuality, recognizing that you’re a sexual being and doing something to fulfill that need. Denying you like porn when you actually do is no different than denying that you masturbate. Denial is never a good thing; especially when it comes to basic human nature.

So why should we, as women, not only start admitting that we like porn, but start watching it, too? Because we can.

Because it can teach us things, positions, and even open our minds up to fetishes that we didn’t know we had inside us. Because it’s fun, it gets things going whether your prepping for some self-love or fucking the man or woman in your life. We should start watching it, because yes, for far too long it was a “guy’s thing,” just as masturbation was considered the same, and, even at one point, sex was considered a “wifely duty” as if it were on par with doing the laundry and cleaning the dishes – things that no one truly enjoys.

If you’ve yet to sit down and watch some porn, I encourage you to do so. Find out what you like and what you don’t. If you cringe through the whole thing, want to vomit and scream out “Fuck you, Chatel! I’m never listening to you again,” then good. At least you gave it a try and that’s what life is all about: experimenting and giving the unknown an occasional whirl.

But you also might find yourself pleasantly surprised, and that’s even better.

 

Photo: Porn.Cake

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  • Cee

    I would like women to watch porn so they can also understand that it is NOT CHEATING! I get very irritated when I hear a woman say her significant other is forbidden to watch porn because they liken it to being cheated on. If women watched it, they would understand the many yummy thoughts and feelings that go through a person’s mind when watching porn. Sometimes youll imagine its you and your lover doing what youre watching, sometimes youll imagine youre doing the person youre watching (AND THAT’S OKAY!), sometimes youll close your eyes and just get off with the sounds and in others you’ll discover something new youd like to try or something youd never try. At no point will this take away from you loving your partner or your relationship with them.

    • Lauren Lever

      It isn’t cheating, but it is fantasizing about other women and getting your rocks off to them. It is one of those vague morality thing, yeah if you aren’t getting enough sex, it is better than cheating, but imo it isn’t a great thing.

    • Cee

      Most of the time it is not about fantasizing about others (which is okay), it is more about the actions, sounds or simply the naughtiness of watching it. Also women fantasize about other men/women as well, this is hardly exclusive to me (how many girls and some guys go crazy when they see the gym scene in Crazy Stupid Love) . I hardly ever remember a face in the porn I watch, I mostly remember the action.
      I dont think it stems from morality as much as it does from insecurity and control masked with the pretense of morality. Porn is not just for people who aren’t getting enough sex. People can have a very active sex life and still watch porn. sometimes partners even watch together. If a couple is not having enough sex and resorting to porn, there is a bigger issue, its not the porn.x

    • Lauren Lever

      why is it okay to fantasize about other women? So what if I am insecure, it doesn’t mean it is okay for him to engage in something that is been researched (google it) to be addictive and negative.

    • meteor_echo

      It’s not fantasizing about those specific women in the porn clip you’re watching. It’s more like just being a viewer of some sexy action. I watch porn often, does it mean that I would like to do the things I see/do them with the guys from the porn vids? Nope. Moreover, the things we’re into, porn-wise, and the things we want to do ourselves can be drastically different.

  • Candace

    I used to hate porn, because I thought it was gross. But then I watched some 70s porn.

    I learned a lot about myself that day.

  • Lauren Lever

    Porn tells me that I should have a 23″ waist and have double d’s, never have had even close to that.

    • Banshee

      so not true…

    • Fabel

      I don’t want to be that person who’s all “just sayin’…” but: There is A LOT more porn out there than the airbrushed, studio-produced L.A. type shit that you’re probably referring to. Just sayin’

    • Lauren Lever

      yeah different strokes for different folks (no puns, HAR) but it seems like most guys like the stuff that has chicks with the perfect bodies, why else would it be so rampant?

  • Banshee

    Agree on 70`s porn. But modern porn leaves me completely numb. Not that just lost interest in sex.. it just makes me wonder why am i wasting time on watching it. My libido is still on high level but porn does not work for me anymore. And it is not moral issues or my becoming a m, or the age or my sexual life. I think i like hentai now more than real people…

  • Grace

    THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!!

  • Samantha_Escobar

    I almost never don’t feel like watching porn, except when I’m eating. Porn is great, and there’s pornstuffs out there for just about any desire, fetish or fantasy a person can think of. I think it’s definitely true that many women who have negative ideas of all porn would be pleasantly surprised at their reactions if they look around a bit more.

    • Lo

      Word. Free, varied porn flourishes on the internet, and I’m not just talking about the depths of 4Chan. I haven’t yet run out of attractive gentlemen having naked fun times*. There really is something for everyone who’s willing to look.

      * If you’re reading this and I stole your video title, apologies.

  • Dora

    Every time I see a page full of videos with titles putting together words like “slut” and “bitch” with some sexual act to make it seem shameful for the woman to be doing it… it just really sets off insecurities and turns me off in a big way. I’ve enjoyed porn on many occasions, but it just takes one “barely legal” or “abused” ad to turn me off looking for a while. And then spend half an hour convincing myself my boyfriend really does respect me and doesn’t think he’s “putting me in my place” when we have sex, or watch woman-degrading porn to fantasize about humiliating me.